Ms Deed is a 40+ single woman who freed her hedonist tendencies when she discovered the Lifestyle in 2011. She lives in the wilds of South Florida, where much stranger things have happened.
I’m approaching the end of my first year in the Lifestyle and have lately been thinking about what I’ve learned along the way.
I have to confess that my motivation for giving this a try was purely physical. I’m a single, 40+ woman with the sex drive of a teenage boy. I just wasn’t getting laid often enough. I’d like to be able to say that’s changed, but frequency – or rather infrequency – has been one of my greatest disappointments about the Lifestyle.
They’re certainly not in the same category as life’s big questions, but the Lifestyle and my eagerness for sexual exploration have presented me with some new issues to ponder. They sort of drift through at random when I’m stopped at a traffic light or staring into space over a hot chai.
There are a lot of gray areas in life, but I’ve tended to live mine in a black-or-white, all-or-nothing sort of way. Standing in the middle requires a lot of stamina and patience. The first I can manage if something is worth the effort, but the second? Um, yeah… Pardon me as I try to shake off a sudden vision of friends and family laughing so hard that they’re gasping for breath.
WANTED: Male partner in crime with a sharp mind, sound body and tarnished soul for sexual exploration and debauchery. You must be strong willed, enjoy the rush of intensity and expect both from your partner. I’m seeking a man strong enough to take me, but secure enough to be taken. Dependability will be rewarded with the trust needed to push boundaries. I’m a challenge. Are you up for it?
Moving a bit like the some of the Duval Street denizens I spotted during Halloween weekend, my mind is weaving through a variety of post-Fantasy Fest reflections. I keep coming back to this one: swingers don’t meet the stereotypes. When spied from distant Vanilla-Ville, the greater Swingtown area loses its nuances. Outsiders can see only the largest landmarks while gossiping about the most salacious rumored activities. Fantasy Fest is supposed to be one of them, a veritable buffet of sexual and alcoholic depravity catering to swingers. Meh. We’re talking about Key West – a place almost as chilled attitude-wise as…
There’s a lot to be said for sloppy sex. The kind of sweaty, can’t-catch-your-breath sex that dampens the sheets – not because the bedroom was too hot to begin with, but because it got overheated during all the physical activity.
Observing the little niceties is important. I’ve been in the Lifestyle for less than a year, but I’ve seen that the concept is generally practiced among swinging couples who know that good social graces improve the chances of making the best kind of new friends – those who will have sex with you. But good graces among the single men? Not so much.
One of the advantages of being the only player on my swinging squad is that I don’t have to take one for the team. There’s no one pressuring me to settle for something less-than-desirable so that he can enjoy a tasty morsel.
I’m not sure how long it will take before I stop having experiences in the Lifestyle that are new to me, but intuition tells me that just when I think I’ve seen it all, I’m sure to run into something unexpected. At a recent swingers-only pool party, I experienced two firsts: bi-guys and the thrill of finding myself the center of attention from two men. I know the bi-guy topic has been covered before in other places, but what makes blogging fun is that I get to throw in my two cents whenever I feel like it. In this case,…
I think I’m finally beginning to master Lifestyle-speak. I picked up the vocabulary fairly quickly, but I had a couple of slap-my-forehead moments before deciphering the subtext of some commonly heard statements and phrases.