Single Guys Make an Impression – The Black Sheep of the Swinging Lifestyle

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Single Guys Make an Impression – The Black Sheep of the Swinging LifestyleObserving the little niceties is important. I've been in the Lifestyle for less than a year, but I've seen that the concept is generally practiced among swinging couples who know that good social graces improve the chances of making the best kind of new friends – those who will have sex with you. But good graces among the single men? Not so much.

Forced to admit to myself that my would-be preferred partner is not able to leave Vanilla Ville to meet me in Swing Town, I recently decided to take another shot at meeting single guys in the Lifestyle. Granted, because I'm still making comparisons to the aforesaid gentleman the guys are facing – ahem – stiff competition, but I don't think I have unrealistic expectations.

What I have though are some observations to share with the swinging single guys who wonder why their ilk is so unpopular. (Being referred to as “ilk” alone should alert you to the severity of the perception problem you're up against. Tsk. Such unappealing class connotations.) Behavior like the following is guaranteed to ensure a continuing uphill battle to improve your station in the Lifestyle community:

Meet a woman for an evening at an establishment that you know up front is going to cost more than you want to spend, then argue with the manager about the prices.  Particularly if – oh, let's imagine – that the woman gives you a chance to back out by saying something exactly like, “We can do this another time. That's a lot of money to spend for a first meet when you don't even know if you'll get laid.”

Insist on taking a date back to your place although she's clearly stated that she would be more comfortable at her own. Come on, fellas. We're talking about girls. They want to have clean sheets and access to a bath robe. But, most of all, they want to be secure in the knowledge that they won't be performing for hidden cameras and wind up as the featured “ex-girlfriend” of the week on a raunchy website.

Assuming she lets her hesitancy about going home with you slide, turning on porn before the two of you even get physical. That sends a lot of messages: There's a could-be-naked-soon woman in the room, but you'd rather watch porn; You can't get a woody about the could-be-naked-soon woman without the assistance of porn; You'll be selfish in bed – you never bothered to ask if she likes porn; You watch too much porn.

Ask her to let herself out. Whether she stays for a glass of wine or overnights to indulge your humiliation fantasies – You dirty boy! –  if she's driving herself home, you better damn well walk her to the front door. Unless that's the game you agreed to play, she is not sex delivery service. Some women will refuse to see a man if he doesn't pick up the check. (I'm not mercenary on that point because who pays can get complicated.) But I believe that failing to see her safely to her car is unforgivably rude.

Guys, it's worth remembering that a little bit of courtesy doesn't cost you anything, but it just might get you everything.

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Ms Deed is a 40+ single woman who freed her hedonist tendencies when she discovered the Lifestyle in 2011. She lives in the wilds of South Florida, where much stranger things have happened.

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    I get annoyed with the men that figure that because they are single and you are also single and that you are both in the lifestyle that it is a sure thing that you will have sex and want them.  It is NOT the case!  Also, there are the guys that assume that, because you were nice to them and said hi or chatted with them at a club (a swing club no less) that you want them or even worse… want to have a relationship with them – do they remember where they met you???  This lifestyle does not mean guaranteed sex, but it also takes a particular mindset to be able to handle the kind of interactions that you have with others.  Luckily I have met several good, single men in the lifestyle that have their head on straight and are also respectful and even chivalrous individuals.  There are a few gems out there in the single crowd, it just takes a willingness to do the legwork to find them 🙂

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