Observing the little niceties is important. I've been in the Lifestyle for less than a year, but I've seen that the concept is generally practiced among swinging couples who know that good social graces improve the chances of making the best kind of new friends – those who will have sex with you. But good graces among the single men? Not so much.
Forced to admit to myself that my would-be preferred partner is not able to leave Vanilla Ville to meet me in Swing Town, I recently decided to take another shot at meeting single guys in the Lifestyle. Granted, because I'm still making comparisons to the aforesaid gentleman the guys are facing – ahem – stiff competition, but I don't think I have unrealistic expectations.
What I have though are some observations to share with the swinging single guys who wonder why their ilk is so unpopular. (Being referred to as “ilk” alone should alert you to the severity of the perception problem you're up against. Tsk. Such unappealing class connotations.) Behavior like the following is guaranteed to ensure a continuing uphill battle to improve your station in the Lifestyle community:
Meet a woman for an evening at an establishment that you know up front is going to cost more than you want to spend, then argue with the manager about the prices. Particularly if – oh, let's imagine – that the woman gives you a chance to back out by saying something exactly like, “We can do this another time. That's a lot of money to spend for a first meet when you don't even know if you'll get laid.”
Insist on taking a date back to your place although she's clearly stated that she would be more comfortable at her own. Come on, fellas. We're talking about girls. They want to have clean sheets and access to a bath robe. But, most of all, they want to be secure in the knowledge that they won't be performing for hidden cameras and wind up as the featured “ex-girlfriend” of the week on a raunchy website.
Assuming she lets her hesitancy about going home with you slide, turning on porn before the two of you even get physical. That sends a lot of messages: There's a could-be-naked-soon woman in the room, but you'd rather watch porn; You can't get a woody about the could-be-naked-soon woman without the assistance of porn; You'll be selfish in bed – you never bothered to ask if she likes porn; You watch too much porn.
Ask her to let herself out. Whether she stays for a glass of wine or overnights to indulge your humiliation fantasies – You dirty boy! – if she's driving herself home, you better damn well walk her to the front door. Unless that's the game you agreed to play, she is not sex delivery service. Some women will refuse to see a man if he doesn't pick up the check. (I'm not mercenary on that point because who pays can get complicated.) But I believe that failing to see her safely to her car is unforgivably rude.
Guys, it's worth remembering that a little bit of courtesy doesn't cost you anything, but it just might get you everything.