Author: Ethical Slut

Which came first?   The rotten egg or the spiteful, angry hen who laid it?  Or, more bluntly put, which came first?  The troll of a misogynistic, sexist man…the misandrist female who makes all men (including the good ones) into trolls…or the lifestyle that encourages men to be both bold and trolls at the same time?  These are the thoughts that were discussed between myself and Laz after a particularly nasty night at a club one weekend. James Brown said it best.  It’s a man’s world.  Men have been in the driver’s seat for most of history.  Sometimes to the benefit…

Is polyamory like sexual orientation, a deep trait felt to be at the core of one’s being? Would a polyamorous person feel as incomplete without multiple partners as a lesbian or gay person might feel without one?

There have been a couple of people recently who have said the phrase, “I don’t want to be second”. One was to me and one was to my partner. This state of mind always disturbs me because my partner and I don’t see relationships structured that way in this lifestyle. We don’t believe in or like the labels “Primary” or “Secondary” partners. There are always priorities and responsibilities to each relationship, but if a relationship goes down such a path, my love for my partners can and will be equal. To us it’s only fair to each other and to the people involved.

I have seen a few people in my years of being Poly who say or infer that they have a constant need to be told they aren’t being replaced. This tends to be a recurring problem with some newbies or people interested in exploring what the non-monogamous life is all about.

When someone is asking questions about my lifestyle, the one I get most often seems to be, “Isn’t love about commitment?” People can’t seem to fathom loving more than one person and still being committed to each one. First, let’s breakdown the definition from Webster’s Dictionary. a: an act of committing to a charge or trust 2 a: an agreement or pledge to do something in the future; b: something pledged c: the state or an instance of being obligated or emotionally impelled Where here does it say the commitments we carry in life or love have to be singular?…

There are times in the Lifestyle when we are certain of things. Our choices and decisions are solid and we know what we need and want in any given moment. But, we also run into moments where we are uncertain. Times when we don’t know what to do and we depend on our partners to help us figure things out. But there are some things we can only count on ourselves for. One of them is knowing what we want and need in our relationships and if we are settling in the process.

In a lot of cases with the non-monogamy lifestyle there are a lot of parents that keep that lifestyle away from their kids to the extent that they never let their kids know who they truly are and who they truly love. There are others that keep the lifestyle respectfully away from their children, but don’t hide who they are from them.

Is there cheating in open relationships, such as Polyamory or Swinging? That depends on your definition of cheating and what your relationship commitments are to each other. But yes, there is cheating even in our world. An open relationship doesn’t mean you can’t cheat on your partner…sure you can. This is a common question, but one that is always hard to put into words. But I’m going to try to explain it the best way I know how to here. Every relationship has its own commitments, doesn’t matter if you’re Poly or Mono. There are certain lines in the sand,…

“How big is the difference in a polyamorous relationship as opposed to a mono relationship?”