Keeping it Clean: Hassles of Swinging


Keeping it Clean: Hassles of SwingingAs much as I am enjoying the lifestyle, it is starting to become a huge pain. I'm having an issue with one aspect of the life that I never even thought of at the beginning. I thought I might have some jealousy issues. I thought I might get weirded out by meeting people for sex. I worried about health and safety risks of screwing random people. I thought of creepy guys at swinger clubs hitting on me and having really awkward encounters with people we just weren't in to. I never thought the biggest frustration would be cleaning!

I feel like I'm constantly cleaning our apartment, getting ready for the what if nights out. I don't think Mr. Softy and I have ever had such a nice, clean apartment! Bringing people home for sex certainly gives me a great incentive to keep the place spic and span. Maybe I'm a bit of a neat freak, but I care about how we present ourselves. If I was a single woman, I wouldn't want to come home with a guy and see moldy bowls of cereal, piles of smelly laundry and spotted sheets. We've been very lucky not to have any creepy experiences on the few occasions we've been in someone else's home for some fun. We want people to feel at home and comfortable in our place. This means buying a couple extra sets of sheets, doing more laundry, taking the trash out more often, making sure the dishes aren't sitting in a pool of mucky water in the sink and even having a variety of drinks and snacks on hand. On top of that, it's always a big deal when our vanilla friends come over. Are our toys and lube lying around? Are there signs that someone spent the night? Does it smell like sex in here?

Speaking of vanilla friends visiting, keeping our electronic devices clean of any signs of our sexual deviance has also been a major annoyance. Clearing browser histories, emptying the trash of any sexy photo rejects and hiding all photos and files deep in some labyrinth of folders that cannot be stumbled upon takes up a lot of our time. We had a friend crash at our place a few weeks ago and I forgot to clear the browser history. So, every time she typed “www” into the browser bar, a big list of our favorite sites popped up. Luckily, she's the kind of person who has to stare at her fingers when she types. I don't think she noticed and we quickly remedied the situation. We slyly offered her the laptop so I could use the desktop and clear the history when she wasn't looking. Crisis averted. Another time we were out-of-town and Mr. Softy's parents stayed in our place for a night. I was completely insane the day before – constantly erasing the signs of swinging from our devices. I'm still paranoid that he poked around on our laptop a bit too much and found naked photos of me.

There is always something to shave, wax, bleach, brush, or scrub.

Then there is the huge task of personal maintenance. It's not like I was super dirty and hairy before we started having group sex, but now I'm much more conscious of my cleanliness, smells and overall hairiness. I'm a furry person so keeping myself trimmed and neat is a pretty big deal. I haven't had a quick, 5-minute shower in ages. There is always something to shave, wax, bleach, brush or scrub. I've invested more in laser hair removal (which is amazing, by the way!), waxing, mouthwash and shaving cream than I thought was possible. How can I be out of ingrown hair serum already?

All of this being said, I can still say that we're having a great time and these hassles are just tiny setbacks. Isn't it a good thing that we're living a little cleaner? It isn't like we were gross before, but we definitely have had to step it up a notch. I'm starting a full-time job soon so we'll see how I cope with less time for cleaning and grooming. I just heard the dishwasher beep, the dryer buzzed about 10 minutes ago, I need to shower and the dusty floor is calling my name. Better get to it!


Suzy is your average, 20-something city dweller. She likes shopping for shoes, yoga, sipping cappuccinos, and the occasional foursome. She and Mr. Softy are fairly new to the swinging lifestyle but are ready to try new and exciting things. Most of all, they are excited to blog about it!

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