Hitting the Lifestyle Refresh Button – Rejuvenating as Swingers


Hitting the Lifestyle Refresh Button - On A Swinging HiatusMr D are having a bad streak of lifestyle blues. As with many couples we have to really work to make time for lifestyle activities given our schedules, and especially since we need to arrange childcare to get out and about. Since we live way out there in middle America, the nearest club is almost two hours away (and no hotel nearby). So to get to a club we are either in for a very, very late evening….err morning. Or we need to plan a weekend away. Not an easy thing to do with young kids!

We prefer clubs because even if we have made a plan with a couple to meet there, we know we are in for a sexy evening regardless of our initial plans. We will meet other lifestyle people, see sexy things, and have the option to get really crazy.

Being so far away from clubs, however, we are trying to venture out to find individual couples out there in our area and find some good matches. We are finding that this is a hard feat to achieve. There just aren’t that many couples out there to begin with in our region. Then finding a good match. Then wondering if the couple will actually show.

Mr. Doubleplay and I have made seven plans to meet up with couples in the past few months. Only three meet ups actually occurred. And the chemistry only worked with two. That’s a lot of planning, a lot of babysitters reserved. Very few swinging stories to share here on the blog!

This week, we had two plans cancelled within hours before they happened. I was groomed. The child care was arranged. I had sacrificed other things earlier in the day to make time and space for our date. Then the text calling it off arrived. Too tired. Too busy. Life is busy. Yeah, we know. But let’s make time anyway?

We are definitely in a lifestyle slump. We need a getaway to Desire or an evening with one of our favorite couples to get our mojo back and remind us of why we love the lifestyle so much. We especially need that “refresh” experience, because when we get in a slump like this, we are more likely to ignore red flags with couples. And then we make plans that just never should have happened in the first place. We force it. The vibes aren’t there but, goddammit we were actually out finally with a real live couple. This is going to work, right?

When I am “lifestyle frustrated”, I need to keep my instincts fresh. On our last failed outing eventually, Mr D. said he wasn't feeling the vibe. It just wasn't happening tonight. He was right, but I often struggle with cutting the line and letting the fish go, as they say. Maybe it's a fear of failure thing. Maybe it's a “sunk cost” issue ( we've already put so much time into the evening). But damn it if I just endured endless watery drinks and two hours of cigarette smoke.

I find myself thinking, ‘If I just to try a little harder, things will perk up, right?' They rarely do. But in the moment, I struggle with letting go of a plan. Good thing Mr D has better instincts. He, however, is willing to say, “It is not happening. Let's leave in fifteen minutes.” Thank goodness for Mr. D. for encouraging an exit before it got awkward.


Mrs. Doubleplay is 40-something mom living in the middle of America with kids, a career, and pretty house in the suburbs. She’s active in her local church, coaches the kids’ soccer games, and happens to have a secret life as a swinger. Married to her high school sweetheart, Mr. Doubleplay, the couple dipped their toes in the lifestyle for a couple of years but then dropped off the radar to have kids. They rejoined the lifestyle in 2005 and haven’t looked back. They have been soft swap from the start but are working their way toward greater forms of adventure as we meet hot couples on lifestyle vacations, swinger clubs, and online websites.

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