When I entered the Lifestyle I assumed that most of my encounters would be with single men. I thought I might find guys who would be fun friends with benefits without taking on the obligations of a more conventional relationship. Although the idea seemed fantastical at the time, I also expected to have a few sexual dalliances with couples.
What didn’t occur to me was that, despite being comfortably heterosexual, I might lose any interest in dating single men. Or that it could happen so quickly. But after about six weeks in the Lifestyle I was so turned off by my interactions with single guys that I started ignoring or blocking their messages sent to me through a popular website for swingers.
At that point I was communicating with people in the Lifestyle almost exclusively by e-mail. It was a way to safely make friends and understand the nuances of a culture new to me. I’m certain that several of the people who were my electronic pen pals in those first few weeks have become life-long friends. None of them are single.
The couples I’ve met in person and online have made an effort to get to know me. I have laughed at myself as I shared details about my unicorn adventures. They have offered me advice and respected my boundaries. Are they hoping to get laid, too? Of course. Aren't we all? But with couples it is possible to part as genuine friends regardless of whether anyone gets naked.
The single men I met online didn’t care whether we had anything in common. The few who agreed to meet me for a cup of coffee or a drink stood me up or cancelled. I think it seemed like too much work. They wanted to drop by the house for a fuck and call it a day.
Despite the Lifestyle’s emphasis on sexual equality, swinging single men don’t appear to have any more respect for women than vanilla single guys. Both are just as likely to treat me as if I’m nothing more than a walking vagina.
I always find myself apologizing for sounding crass about it, but I think what’s most appealing about couples is that I get to enjoy the physical benefits of having a man without the responsibility of taking care of him later. That’s a job for his wife.
Having sex with two people who enjoy pleasing me is an incredibly affirming experience. As an extra in the bedroom, I’m novel enough not to be taken for granted and being the center of attention fuels my own desire to give as much to my partners as they give to me.
I think that I’ll always find a man’s touch oh-so satisfying and it has been thrilling to have new sexual experiences with women. I have thoroughly enjoyed the benefits offered to me by my coupled friends. But after exchanging too-friendly kisses and good-byes at the door, the best part of spending an evening with a couple is that I get to go home alone.