Through the Looking Glass – The Surreality of Being a Swinging Unicorn


Through the Looking Glass - The Surreality of Being a Swinging UnicornSince joining the Lifestyle, I’ve had many experiences that seemed dream-like, almost hallucinatory, because they came at me from outside of the vanilla frame of reference I lived within for most of my life – that having anything other than a two-person, monogamous relationship is unthinkable.

These surreal moments have all been easy to laugh at later, but when one of them strikes I almost have to check to be certain that my mouth isn’t hanging open. I have a few favorites so far.

I had just about reached the point where I could understand the concept of completely open play when I met a couple who each regularly spend time alone with various girlfriends and boyfriends. But I wasn’t quite prepared a few hours after meeting them for the text Mrs. sent giving me permission to “do anything you want with my husband. Love you, baby!”

That was at the top of my list of head shakers until her husband contacted me the next day. “Tonight I’m going to fuck my wife and call her by your name.”

It wasn’t the first time I learned that other people were using me as fuel for their fantasies. A hot couple sent to me a topless photo of the Mrs. after our first dinner date. That apparently led to fun, dirty talk about having me between them in bed. How do I know? They told me.

I guess that by now I should expect the unexpected, but people in the Lifestyle can and will say things that even the Hubble Telescope would not have seen coming.

A new friend recently asked if she could set me up on a date to the local swinger’s club – with her husband. The next night he threw this at me: “We want you to be my girlfriend. We talked about it.”

I’m not used to being quite this popular, but one of my male friends has encouraged me to find more playmates and share the details. He gets turned on by a woman in control of her sexuality. Given what we’re all taught to assume about men and jealousy, do I even need to explain why I had trouble wrapping my brain around that?

Of course, I’ve surprised myself, too. After a more-or-less anonymous encounter with a single guy at the local Lifestyle club, I heard myself say, “So do you want to exchange numbers or skip it?”

It hit me in that moment that I truly didn’t care if I never saw him again and that I wasn’t embarrassed to be going home with only the memory of a thoroughly enjoyable sexual experience. I was liberated from wondering if he would call, what he thought about me and, best of all, that self-flagellating second guessing if he didn’t call later. I wish I had figured out how to do that in my 20s.

But I think I managed to turn the tables on shock value the first time I went to bed with a couple. While holding a condom in one hand, I turned to the Mrs. and asked, “Can I really have your husband?”


Ms Deed is a 40+ single woman who freed her hedonist tendencies when she discovered the Lifestyle in 2011. She lives in the wilds of South Florida, where much stranger things have happened.


  1. The world of sexuality has come a long ways. No longer is it considered a sin for a single  woman to play with another woman’s hubby but it is expected that the two of you will have sexual intercourse and fuck to orgasm while his wife gets to watch. And in many cases it is not necessary that the wife be present.
    In our experience married women are now very open to getting seduced by another man who is someone else’s husband. The key is “getting seduced” so that the two couples can swap mates, have sexual play with the other’s mate, to be followed by sexual intercourse and the two couples then fuck the other couple’s wife/husband/mate to awesome orgams, as both partners get to watch the hot action.
    Sexual intercourse with someone else’s mate is now an extension of the social intercourse in the vanilla world and is a healthy activity and also very satisfying to both couples. Why limit your sexual options when one can enjoy sex with a variety of partners?
    The only caveat is that the couples, married or not, have a secure relationship before they embark upon swinging with other couples where they exchange partners for sexual play, intercourse and thern fuck the other couple’s mate to orgasm.

  2. Reading this felt like I was remembering all of my own experiences.  I was never popular in school, feeling exactly the opposite, and having low self esteem for most of my life. I felt that my husband, who passed away a couple of years ago, only told me that I was beautiful because… well, he was my husband.  That was expected.  But now that I am enjoying myself in the lifestyle as a single woman, I find myself in a position where I am often the one being coveted, chased after and desired by both men and women, old and young.  I am lucky that, even at 40, I have a body that is nice (no super model here), breasts that are amazing, and a face that doesn’t at all suggest my years.  I have become popular for the first time in my life.  I realize fully that it is as much my personality, my confidence, my smile, the way it lights my eyes up, and my openness and genuineness with people that makes me attractive to so many. I also realize that these things and these people are not the reason for the way that I feel about myself – they find me so BECAUSE I feel good about me and have developed a sense of assuredness and confidence.   But for the first time in my life, I feel good about me, and that comes in large part to the people that I meet and the way that I feel about life now that I have found a lifestyle that seems to fit me.  

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