SS 37: Gang Bang The Mailbag – Listener Questions on Swinging, Poly & Open

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In our first “Listener Mailbag” episode we answer several questions from voicemail and email, tackling such diverse topics as the hotness of swingers, sexual experience and prowess, how to swing when you have kids, going to swing clubs, male bisexuality, the HIV positive military man swinger, and more.

On this show: Cooper, Ginger, Dylan, & Shira B. Katz

This episode sponsored by:
Adam & Eve
The Smitten Kitten
and
Close2You's Opus Gspot Vibe!

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Life on the Swingset

A podcast about swinging, polyamory, open relationships, and "the lifestyle" from the trenches. A diverse group tackles many issues involved with non-monogamy and what it means to be a swinger or polyamorous from the point of view of educating and illuminating what, for many, is a confusing journey to start on. Subscribe on iTunes Subscribe on Stitcher Subscribe via RSS

6 Comments

  1. Avatar

    This podcast is disappointing and disheartening. Rather than advocating for “manslaughter” for a HIV+ man that exposed others through CONSENSUAL, UNPROTECTED sex, it would have been beneficial to use it an opportunity to educate individuals about risks, rights and responsibilities in sexual relationships. Rather than offering opinions based on stigma, it would have been much more beneficial to your listeners to hear facts. For example,
    • Studies show that the criminalization of HIV exposure has no effect on risk behavior.
    • HIV criminalization can discourage individuals from seeking testing and treatment because a positive test result subjects a person to criminal liability for otherwise non-criminal conduct.
    • Sex between two consenting adults is a shared decision; the responsibility for protection against disease should not be borne by one partner. Placing exclusive responsibility on the person living with HIV undermines public health messages that everyone should take responsibility for individual sexual health.
    • Criminalization further stigmatizes an already marginalized population, and reinforces ignorance and unfounded beliefs about the routes and actual risks of HIV transmission.
    Source: Center for HIV Law and Policy, Positive Justice Project: HIV Criminalization Fact Sheet

    • Avatar

      As the person who suggested the manslaughter charge, I feel obligated to point out that willfully hiding information that puts others in jeopardy is a SERIOUS offense. This man, despite direct orders, hid his status and HIS BEHAVIOUR further stigmatizes an already marginalized community.

      The people he exposed based their decisions on deceitful statements from him, this is not an example of consent and shared decisions.

      In NO WAY was I suggesting that people wi HIV should be penalized for having this disease, but any one who has it and doesn’t disclose to partners who are at risk of contracting it, and further lies to cover up his status, is a criminal and deserves to be prosecuted.

      • Avatar

        I did not imply that it wasn’t a “serious offense” but manslaughter?! I think you need to check your values and consider facts and research that clearly demonstrates “that the criminalization of HIV exposure has no effect on risk behavior.” Sure, you can be outraged, upset and angry but don’t think that it gives you the right to propagate opinions which do little to promote healthier decision making. HIV should not be considered a life sentence for anyone. If he hid his status, he did so at his and others peril. And in choosing to engage in unprotected sex, which is not forced, then it is a shared decision albeit not with factual information. Bottom line, don’t pass the buck on responsibility for one party over another, just because one is positive and deceitful. It does not encourage anyone to get tested for HIV because it would be easier “not to know” than be held criminally liable.

        • Avatar

          If you recall, I did say that barebacking with people you don’t know is stupid and you shouldn’t do that, so I wasn’t blaming only one person. Secondly, moments later in the podcast we talked about HIV not being a “life sentence” any more because of the many pharmaceuticals that offer real progress and help.

          Beyond that, I think we’re going to have to agree to disagree. That guy is an amoral prick. And he gives swingers a bad name. How would you “punish” someone who lies about their status? Suppose they’d been using condoms, is it THEN okay for him to lie about having HIV?

          Lying about your STI status is NEVER ok. And while you may disagree with my hyperbolic call for a manslaughter charge, I’d think you can agree with that.

          • Avatar
            Brian Welch on

            Interesting discussion, and I see valid points on both sides. I’m going to lean toward Cooper on this one, though, mostly because I also believe that the assertion that the sex was consensual is incorrect.

            It is impossible to consent to an activity without full disclosure, especially when information that might change the outcome of the decision is concealed.

            That being said, what if the man in question did not know he was HIV+? It is also the victim’s responsibility to demand full disclosure before taking risks. (I know I would!) In this specific instance fault lies with both involved in the activity, but this does not mitigate the criminal negligence (yes, I said it) on the part of the man who knew he was HIV+.

            “Criminal negligence is conduct which is such a departure from what would be that of an ordinary prudent or careful person in the same circumstance as to be incompatible with a proper regard for human life or an indifference to consequences.” (http://definitions.uslegal.com/c/criminal-negligence/)

            As for the hyperbole, I think we’ve all heard far worse from popular media. I personally consider it appropriate when assessing the magnitude of the act. This man did not just endanger the lives and livelihood of his partners; as Cooper pointed out, he also brought shame and disgrace to an already stigmatized and marginalized segment of society, and gave its enemies more ammunition to use against it. His consciously chosen behavior did not just hurt his partners, it hurt everyone in the lifestyle.

  2. Avatar

    This podcast is disappointing and disheartening. Rather than advocating for “manslaughter” for a HIV+ man that exposed others through CONSENSUAL, UNPROTECTED sex, it would have been beneficial to use it an opportunity to educate individuals about risks, rights and responsibilities in sexual relationships. Rather than offering opinions based on stigma, it would have been much more beneficial to your listeners to hear facts. For example,
    • Studies show that the criminalization of HIV exposure has no effect on risk behavior.
    • HIV criminalization can discourage individuals from seeking testing and treatment because a positive test result subjects a person to criminal liability for otherwise non-criminal conduct.
    • Sex between two consenting adults is a shared decision; the responsibility for protection against disease should not be borne by one partner. Placing exclusive responsibility on the person living with HIV undermines public health messages that everyone should take responsibility for individual sexual health.
    • Criminalization further stigmatizes an already marginalized population, and reinforces ignorance and unfounded beliefs about the routes and actual risks of HIV transmission.
    Source: Center for HIV Law and Policy, Positive Justice Project: HIV Criminalization Fact Sheet

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