Lately, Prof and I have been able to make it to quite a few of our local group’s parties. We always have an amazing time dancing and hanging out with our crew of friends. We even had an on-premises hotel party a couple of weeks ago with just that group. It was crazy fun. Awesome games that parlayed the flirting and casual naughtiness into a tangle of hotness followed by relaxed nakedness, wine and chocolate.
As hot as all of the sexy connections are, what has drawn my attention lately is how wonderful it is that we are all there for each other when we aren’t all focused on the sexy connections. Of course, there is always a buzzing undercurrent of delicious energy, but the deep caring we share for one another is the angle we don’t talk about enough.
While we partied, we celebrated a dear friend’s birthday with cake and hugs and true best wishes before the sexy pampering began. We have celebrated so many birthdays and new jobs and degrees completed. We celebrate family events together. We lend a hand with the occasional overwhelming household task and pass along vegetables from our gardens.
We are even there for each other through the difficult times, including losses and illnesses. It is during these times that friends take breaks from parties and focus their energies inward. Yet, still we remain in each other’s lives with whatever they may need, even if it is just the occasional electronic connection with the message that we are thinking about them.
That’s not the side of ethical non-monogamy that mainstream people would recognize or even try to understand. That people who practice ethical non-monogamy in any way certainly all practice in their own ways, but most enjoy and cultivate a deeper connection than what may happen in the bedroom.
When Prof and I have gatherings that include sexy and vanilla friends, it is inevitable that the crew that stays the latest, laughs the loudest and gives the best hugs are mostly the sexy friends. Now that isn’t to say we don’t value our vanilla friends or that they are not fantastic people who are important parts of our lives. It just seems that those with whom we can be the most authentic and have the deepest connections are those who also have open relationships.
We are connected that much deeper with that much more trust and therefore the community we have created is through thick and thin. Even the not so sexy side of swinging can be amazing too!