One skill I have definitely learned through my journey of non-monogamy is communication. It just doesn’t work unless everyone can
communicate what they need and what they fear. This should be obvious, but sometimes it isn’t. Anne and I probably had above average communication with each other and about our relationship before starting this, but I can definitely say post-monogamy our communication is better. That doesn’t mean we necessarily talk more, but we there is a higher level of openness and understanding when we do discuss something.
Now I have recently been very frustrated with my current work situation. I even got fed up enough that after only stopping for a kiss from Anne I immediately updated my resume upon arriving home. I was furious and ready to quit. Just done. My career path seemed to be dead ended and my personal knowledge and growth had stopped at this job. After, I settled down and weighed my options. I decided rather than just being upset and searching for a new job I would go talk to someone. If communication helps personal relationships it stands to reason it should do the same for professional ones.
So, with that decided I planned out what I wanted to say. With my notes in hand I went straight to my manager’s manager. I laid it all out there. Straight up. I don’t play the corporate politics game. I told him that I liked the company, the people, and the projects, but I didn’t feel like I was headed anywhere. That I had updated my resume, but I decided before just cutting and running I wanted to talk about my concerns. I told him about how my new manager wasn’t very good (I am sure he is in trouble now, but that isn’t my concern). I explained that it wasn’t about more money though that helps, it was about the stagnation of my career.
In the end I don’t think anything was really gained. Though he did confide in me that he was frustrated as well and it was mainly the people who kept him around. He would try to get more interesting work for me and try to get things better communicated to me as my manager always leaves me in the dark. I was told we would revisit it in a few months and see where things are.
I am still going to look for a new job, but who knows maybe this one will turn around before I find one. I do however feel better after having talked about it and knowing that the frustration doesn’t stop at just me. It goes up the chain. To some degree his hands are tied with what he can do for me. I can say one thing for certain though, Jack from a few years back would have just left without a word and I did in fact do just that with my job before this one. Non-monogamy in my personal relationship with my wife has lead to improvement my communication skills and probably good helping of confidence as well. I never thought these things would help out in another part of my life, but I am certainly glad they have.