I ended my last blog with a question: What are some reasons that couples take a break from swinging? Over dinner with the Wonderfuls, we learned their answer – they were not stepping toward monogamy again. Instead, they had stepped in the opposite direction toward polyamory.
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I’m approaching the end of my first year in the Lifestyle and have lately been thinking about what I’ve learned along the way.
I have to confess that my motivation for giving this a try was purely physical. I’m a single, 40+ woman with the sex drive of a teenage boy. I just wasn’t getting laid often enough. I’d like to be able to say that’s changed, but frequency – or rather infrequency – has been one of my greatest disappointments about the Lifestyle.
Our family hosted the a visit from Mr. and Mrs. Wonderful and family this weekend. As has proven true in previous blogs, a visit from the Wonderfuls always stretches my conceptions of the lifestyle. The good part about their visits is that they always seem to cause Mr. Doubleplay and I to have some honest conversations about our vision of our marriage. The bad part is that these conversations seem to arise because the Wonderfuls stir emotions that I didn’t know I had. And they aren’t always positive emotions. Instead they tend to make me feel twisty and perplexed.
Lets face it. Anyone that spends any amount of time on the Swingset is bound to encounter people that are interested in you or your partner sexually, when the same is not returned by one or both of you. Even vanillas deal with this, but only have to consider their personal feelings. We have our significant others to think about as well. Chemistry is a must. The attraction need not be physical necessarily, mental attraction is a powerful thing as well. Regardless of what it is that attracts the two of you, it must be there or things are just not gonna work out.
Ginger here, taking on a delicate inquiry about how to begin a dialog with a…
So, now I am 30 and have been in the swinging lifestyle for roughly a year. To say this last year has not changed me would be a lie, but I don’t feel changed. I feel as though this is who I always was, it is just now that the inner me shines through without being dulled by the chains and constraints that had been placed on my by myself and society.
Some swinger haters seem to be particularly riled by my active involvement in my church community. The assumption seems to be that swinging and religion/spirituality are not compatible. I figure it is time for me to state my views on this matter.
We were with some good friends that we had soft swapped with before and I am pretty sure they knew we were ready to full swap. They had heard about my full swap experience from me and probably through the grape vine.
As the two weeks pass between setting the date and the date itself pass I see the Mr. online less and less. Something then came up at the last minute that forced Anne and I to reschedule. Since I hadn’t seem him online, I texted him and he informed me that it was not a problem to push it back a week. During that week he was not online at all. The night of the date I got a text and he informed me that the Mrs. had to work late and that they could not make it. I told him not to worry he could contact me online and we could reschedule.
It had been a good while since we had met anyone new in the lifestyle, but there we were at a bar awaiting a new couple to arrive for drinks. I had talked to the man of the couple online quite a bit. From what I gathered they were very excited to meet us. In our classic style we arrived before them, so we had time to be at least half way through a drink before they arrived. I am still to new to all this to pretend to not be nervous meeting new people. Maybe you never get used to it. That wouldn’t be too bad. After all, the nervousness is part of the excitement.