Which came first? The rotten egg or the spiteful, angry hen who laid it? Or,…
Browsing: poly
One issue that everyone whom engages in alternative or counter-culture lifestyles will eventually have to face and come to terms with is whether or not to be open about their lifestyle, to what level, and to whom. It does not matter if you are gay, bi-sexual, non-monagamous, a fetishist, a swinger, or a polyamorist. These lifestyle choices are against the norm, and there is often a great deal of anxiety involved around the honest expression of our choices.
One skill I have definitely learned through my journey of non-monogamy is communication. It just doesn’t work unless everyone can communicate what they need and what they fear. This should be obvious, but sometimes it isn’t.
Once upon a time, in my introductory post, I mentioned that all of the members…
Complicated: past participle, past tense of com·pli·cate (Verb) 1. Make (something) more difficult or confusing by…
Is polyamory like sexual orientation, a deep trait felt to be at the core of one’s being? Would a polyamorous person feel as incomplete without multiple partners as a lesbian or gay person might feel without one?
There have been a couple of people recently who have said the phrase, “I don’t want to be second”. One was to me and one was to my partner. This state of mind always disturbs me because my partner and I don’t see relationships structured that way in this lifestyle. We don’t believe in or like the labels “Primary” or “Secondary” partners. There are always priorities and responsibilities to each relationship, but if a relationship goes down such a path, my love for my partners can and will be equal. To us it’s only fair to each other and to the people involved.
It occurred to me today – well, many times, but I only dwelled enough on the subject to write about it today – that the wedding ring, which once was the universal sign for “don’t even try to flirt with me” has lost that aspect of its meaning in my life. How many people do we know who are happily married and also romantically available? I am on that list.
Dating is complicated when you already have multiple partners. People have this vision of poly people as having a free-wheeling lifestyle where they date anybody they choose and pick up new partners at the drop of a hat. I’m sure some poly people do that, but it seems to be rare. My experience is that dating people in stable poly relationships is more like dating someone in a traditional Greek or Italian family — all the extended family has to meet you and gets a say in whether the relationship is a good idea.
I tend to fall in love fast. Not necessarily hard, but definitely fast. I knew this about myself, but had honestly forgotten until Anne and I got into the lifestyle. After all, we had been happily dating/married for nine or so years before getting into the lifestyle, I was not actively seeking another life partner. I still wouldn’t say I am. Anne initially said she was interested in exploring polyamory if she found someone she had feelings for. I have stated before that polyamory freaks me out and, honestly, it still does.