We continue our “Swinging For Dummies” discussion by moving into how to talk to your partner about your interest in non-monogamy. We weigh the idea of non-monogamy being a “deal-breaker” for your relationship and the future. Also on topic is potential for jealousy, the importance of LOTS of communication, and the excellent resources Sex at Dawn and Opening Up. When all is said and done, it’s important to remember that you’re going to be okay TOGETHER.
I have seen a few people in my years of being Poly who say or infer that they have a constant need to be told they aren’t being replaced. This tends to be a recurring problem with some newbies or people interested in exploring what the non-monogamous life is all about.
Some readers may wonder: Why polyamory? Well, for us, this came from the understanding that we do not control the other person’s sexuality. We are very sexual creatures and we are attracted to whomever we happen to be attracted to. We were comfortable in our sexuality and our relationship, and through much discussion we came to an understanding that physical intimacy does not constitute infidelity. Deception is infidelity, but what Ally and I do is right out in front of each other. Full disclosure.
Jealousy is very common in both monogamous and non-monogamous relationships. However, in monogamous relationships it’s much easier to engineer the way you and your partner interact with others to minimize activities that trigger jealousy. In poly relationships, you’re nearly guaranteed to regularly encounter jealousy in either yourself or your partners.
When someone is asking questions about my lifestyle, the one I get most often seems…
Molly started swearing when I plunged my fingers into her wet pussy and I cussed back at her with every dirty word I knew. I held her and held her down while she came and then frantically went to work on myself. I wanted to come before any of our sexual energy had time to dissipate. With Molly’s mouth on mine and her hands on my body it was only moments before I was bucking and squealing as an intense orgasm ripped through me.
On that first show I believe we hit you with a new term, “compersion”. We didn’t hit on it too much, though we’ll discuss it in future shows, but I think it deserves a short explanation. Cooper described it as “… the opposite of jealousy” in one of his podcast reviews and in the podcast. I understand it as the enjoyment of watching someone you love experience pleasure with someone else.
The authors of Sex at Dawn, Christopher Ryan, PhD, and Cacilda Jetha, MD (@sexatdawn), provide…
In the three months since I found myself standing at the door of a swinger’s club, I’ve had a series of unusual firsts, some frustrating episodes and more surreal moments than I ever expected. As a single woman in the Lifestyle – a unicorn – I’ve also never been happier sexually.
Rather than being simply all about the sex, for many swingers, the swinging lifestyle is actually about learning about themselves and growing as people. Our newest writer, Ivey Lane explores this.