I’ve written before about being in an open relationship when you’re accidentally monogamous. That was…
Neamhspleachas is a thirty-something American, currently living in the Netherlands. She works as a journalist and writer. If she’s not working, you can probably find her drinking a craft beer somewhere. Possibly somewhere far away from home. You can find her putting her multiple degrees to good use by blogging about relationships, economics, politics, and boobs that are and are not hers at neamhspleachas.com.
Are you in an open relationship if no one is actually seeing any other people?…
A colleague mentioned that she was watching a movie that included a scene with couples tossing their keys into a bowl, and at that moment her teenage daughter walked into the room. Confused by the scene, the daughter asked why the couples were tossing keys in a bowl, and my colleague explained the concept of a key party. The daughter responded that that behavior was “reckless” and my colleague wholeheartedly agreed.
When I first started engaging in non-monogamy, I was living in a big American city with a large, liberal social network. It wasn’t that hard to find like-minded people. We moved from the US to Europe over a year ago and we’ve been celibate ever since.
People in open relationships get a bad rap. Our relationships thrive on openness and honesty.
It seems as though there are so many things to “come out” about these days. Being gay. Being bi. Being an atheist. Being a Wiccan. Being non-monogamous. It’s an unsurprising by-product of a progressing society. Rather than shamefully hiding your atypical lifestyle, you embrace it. You meet others who are like you and develop a circle of gay, atheist, non-monogamous friends. Unfortunately, your parents/family/coworkers/local grocer may not be as embracing of your “atypicality.”
There are plenty of reasons why people who are in open relationships are also in marriages (their own marriages, not someone else’s). People may choose to explore open relationships after they have already gotten married. I know plenty of people who were married long before they got into the life style. Couples who were already open may choose to get married for health insurance, immigration, tax or a whole host of other, pragmatic reasons. While they may have been together and loved each other for a long time, what ultimately sends them down the aisle is the desire for one of them to finally have dental coverage.
Neamhspleachas talks about how competition can help in business and government, so when applied to non-monogamy, the appearance of competition can help improve the relationship.