Let me preface this post by saying that most likely this will end as little more than a rant. I do not necessarily like to go off on rants but . . . Ok maybe I do. Now that we have that disclaimer out-of-the-way, I would like to discuss a situation that Ally and I have encounter entirely too often. Most often, when dealing with vanilla males. For those of you who have not been fortunate enough to meet my beautiful wife Ally, she has a dangerous intellect, a goofy sense of humor, and a compassionate soul. Ally is also…
Author: Jack Junior
One issue that everyone whom engages in alternative or counter-culture lifestyles will eventually have to face and come to terms with is whether or not to be open about their lifestyle, to what level, and to whom. It does not matter if you are gay, bi-sexual, non-monagamous, a fetishist, a swinger, or a polyamorist. These lifestyle choices are against the norm, and there is often a great deal of anxiety involved around the honest expression of our choices.
Complicated: past participle, past tense of com·pli·cate (Verb) 1. Make (something) more difficult or confusing by causing it to be more complex. 2. Introduce complications in (an existing condition): “smoking may complicate pregnancy”. 3. Or, anything related to or having to do with polyamory. Ok, I added the third definition, but most people involved in this lifestyle would tend to agree with me I think. Yes, polyamory is complicated. No, it does not have to be. However; when you engage in a lifestyle that involves multiple people, multiple relationships, and all the associated emotions and inter-personal connections . . . it…
When introducing a new romantic interest to our friends and loved ones, we all want this person to be well received and well liked. We want our family and friends to find them attractive, interesting, funny, and basically dig them like we do. We polyamorists are much the same, but we have a much more critical judge – our primary partner.
It is inevitable. We are all different, unique, and individual creatures with our own hopes, goals, dreams, desires, and ambitions. It is not inconceivable that the situation and relationships that work great for us now, soon begin to lose their luster, and the shine fades. The relationship may simply become too complicated. When your relationships are plural, this is ever more real a possibility.
Lets face it. Anyone that spends any amount of time on the Swingset is bound to encounter people that are interested in you or your partner sexually, when the same is not returned by one or both of you. Even vanillas deal with this, but only have to consider their personal feelings. We have our significant others to think about as well. Chemistry is a must. The attraction need not be physical necessarily, mental attraction is a powerful thing as well. Regardless of what it is that attracts the two of you, it must be there or things are just not gonna work out.
Some readers may wonder: Why polyamory? Well, for us, this came from the understanding that we do not control the other person’s sexuality. We are very sexual creatures and we are attracted to whomever we happen to be attracted to. We were comfortable in our sexuality and our relationship, and through much discussion we came to an understanding that physical intimacy does not constitute infidelity. Deception is infidelity, but what Ally and I do is right out in front of each other. Full disclosure.
As we have grown as a couple and individuals, we have entered into the world of polyamory. Ally is bisexual. We were both very secure with ourselves and our relationship, so after much discussion we decided to open our marriage.