Gangbangs and Getting Past Personal Boundaries

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Gangbangs and Getting Past Personal BoundariesI've been fantasizing almost exclusively about gang-bangs for the last 11 months. It all started with something my husband, PC, and I witnessed last summer at the old location of Montreal swinger club Le Celeste.

Leaning rigidly against the latticed wall of the “Jungle Room,” my face partially obscured by a plastic vine hanging from the ceiling, I watched a group of about 10 fit, clean-shaven men swarm a buxom bleached blond. From where I was standing I had a clear sideways view of her. While deep throating one cock after another, she spread open her strong, tanned body doggie-style as guys took turns grabbing her ass, straddling her, moving aside the thin crotch of her white G-string, and pumping her pussy in short, quick strokes.

Something about the raw energy of this unstaged scene shocked me, compelling my repressive social conditioning to take hold of my mind with full force. I began to perceive the woman as a series of holes to be filled and the men fucking her as callous jerks. Acutely aware of being the only other woman in the room, I started to dread the feral intensity in the men’s eyes when they looked at me. I felt naked and ashamed for taking part in the spectacle – even as a passive observer.

PC noticed my mounting anxiety and escorted me to a private room where we could talk. It was not long before I arrived at a sobering realization: I had encountered my first emotional limit in our sexual adventures.

Until that point, my sexual exploration seemed boundless as I leaped from one fulfilling experience to another. Faced with a situation that forced me to deal with my own hardwired hang-ups, I had to make a choice: Either recoil in fear and refuse to learn from the experience, or work through my negative emotional response in a constructive, sex-positive way. I chose the latter.

To understand the source of my aversion, I started fantasizing about my own gang-bang scenario. I imagined myself surrounded by men who paid attention to my response and whose only aim was to get me off. It was as if my lover’s touch had been multiplied tenfold. When I compared this imagined scenario with the one I observed at the club, I figured out a couple of things.

On the one hand, what I feared most was losing control – being unable to say no and to walk away if things got too intense. On the other hand, the strength of my visceral response to the original scene revealed my fascination with gang-bangs. I think that may have been what troubled me the most; on some deep-rooted, subliminal level, I wanted to be the woman getting fucked by a group of random men.

Inspired by this increased sense of self-awareness, I re-examined the gang-bang at the club with a dispassionate eye. Judging from the brief glimpses I caught of the woman’s face and of the men who were fucking her, all participants were over the age of reason (i.e, 30). Moreover, despite the nervous energy apparent in the men's body language, their interactions with the woman and with each other made it obvious that they were all consenting adults, mindful of each others presence.

Then I recalled something curious. The one slightly older guy, seemingly in his early forties, was fully dressed and did not participate. He did, however, stare avidly at the woman, following her every move. Later, when I saw them leave the club together hand in hand, I realized that he was her lover. In recalling this detail, the subtle dynamics of the scene suddenly became clear to me. This was their shared fantasy.

What did I learn from taking a critical look at my own emotional limits? My initial view of what turned out to be a sex-positive situation was completely off base. I had judged it according to my own prejudices. Perception is reality, PC always tell me. What I claim to see (filtered as it is by my experiences and biases) says more about me than about what I’m observing. In other words, I need to keep an open mind if I am serious about my personal growth through sexual experimentation.

Second, it’s easy to overcome my sexual hang-ups when I understand their source.

Third, I am now able to open up to my lover about my gang-bang fantasy. The good news: he’s into it too. Only time will tell if we ever go there….

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Consummate sensualist Emmanuelle Undine reports on the non-monogamous lifestyle scene north of the border in her Swingset series The French Connection. Part autobiography, part critical-reflective sex journalism, her blog Emmanuelle Undine: A Siren Laid Bare reflects on the sexual adventures she shares with PC, her husband.

11 Comments

  1. Avatar

    Some people think all they have 2 do is throw around a few cheap pop-culture words & the words elevate erroneous thoughts & ideas 2 being correct. They don’t. Lets translate: the person who wrote this article twists ‘intelligent judgement & discernment’ into “prejudices.” She twists ‘a backwards regression (to an uncivilized, uneducated, worse-than-an-animal state)’ into “growth,” etc., etc. We all have CORRECT, natural instincts of self-preservation & protection- but especially women do. There r perfectly good, valid REASONS for that. Also, the writer of the article says “when I saw them leave the club together hand in hand, I realized that he was her lover.” Woman, WAKE UP: ‘Love’ has nothing at all to do w/it. U debase & trash even the concept of something as profound & fine as Actual Love when u naively use it in this context. Who is the guy u’r with? Yeah, I’ll BET he ‘talked’ w/u when u left the room- & convinced u your correct instincts were wrong. I feel sorry 4 any daughter of women like this. Instead of being taught the truth that most men are trash looking for anything that moves- even on 4 legs- & that most men have no integrity or ethics- & the truth that women have always been the necessary basis for CIVILIZATION because theyre much more likely to have Standards & insist on not taking men’s crap- instead of being taught these eternal truths, their daughters will b taught 2 let men turn them into grotesque pigs worth less than trash.

    Promiscuous people r more likely to have neglected &/or abused children out of wedlock & from broken homes (this is not an opinion: it is verifiable fact). Think of that when u hear of the next baby or toddler beat 2 death by the mother’s so-called ‘boyfriend’ or the child’s ‘stepfather.’ Almost NO man will love a child that is not his: they r much more likely 2 HATE the child. Don’t give me anecdotal rebuttals, either. What I just said is verifiable reality- not my opinion. U r partly responsible because of the trashy attitudes u foster in society regarding the thing that can create an innocent, helpless human Life. What can create a human life should be & needs 2 b elevated in society 2 something having Meaning – something having 2 do w/ Love- not trash. And dont act like birth control is a panacea- its not. But, then, what can u say about the grotesque a&&holes that these men r who live w/ a reptilian ‘brain’ focused on their anus & other people’s anuses? They r a&&holes in every sense of the word. After all, their a&& is where they live. And the relatively small percentage of men (maybe 15%?) who are actually wise, mature, decent, civilized, fine men would actually agree with me about the 85% or so of the reptilian anus-brained men – & they teach their sons not to grow up like that – & they keep their daughters away from those creeps.

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      “Promiscuous people r more likely to have neglected &/or abused children out of wedlock & from broken homes (this is not an opinion: it is verifiable fact).”” Don’t give me anecdotal rebuttals, either. What I just said is verifiable reality- not my opinion.”

      Oh really?
      I challenge you to find scientifically and rigorously vetted and tested evidence that there’s a correlation or causation between promiscuity and abuse, or between promiscuity and an upbringing without two parents, or promiscuity and an upbringing with two parents that are unmarried. 

      Note, these are three separate circumstances. It’s entirely possible that the combination of all three may also have a correlation or causation between this specific set of circumstances.

      I will tell you this, I’m from a solid, two parent opposite sex married household brought up in Catholicism, and I am much, much happier now without your ideas about a woman’s capacity for independent thought and decision making.

      Your attitude, attempting to convince our wonderful author here, that she’s not capable of thinking for herself because she must be being manipulated and convinced into doing something she otherwise wouldn’t normally want to do are offensive, outdated, and wrong. 

      You may not feel women are capable of making intelligent informed decisions, however to use your words… You would be wrong. It is verifiable reality, not my opinion.

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      Well that is just delightfully judgey judgey. It is also difficult to read. It is an old thing, I know, but CORRECT spelling and sentence structure exists for perfectly good valid REASONS. It is much easier to get your point across if your readers don’t need to decipher every sentence.
      My dyslexia issues aside, where exactly do you get off? I am a woman. I’m not a swinger but I suppose I would fall into your category of promiscuous people. I must admit that I would not put myself there, having slept with a grand total of 4 people in my lifetime, but given that you have used words like wedlock, innocent & correct in the ways that you have, I’m going to assume that polyamory would fall outside of normality for you. I’d like for you to know that I have not been abused. My parents are in a long and stable marriage. I was never beaten, neglected, or otherwise ill-used. I’ve been in a stable and loving relationship with my partner Arthur for over a decade. Yes, that is right, love. Do you understand how thoroughly disempowering this kind of talk is? It is a real kick in the teeth. In your post, you are not even addressing the author directly. She. That woman. Stop it, it isn’t nice and it isn’t fair. You can disagree all you like, but you need to let women own these choices otherwise you are just on a man-hating rant and that is a pretty weak argument however you spin it. -Anna

      I am a woman. I’m not a swinger but I suppose I would fall into your category of promiscuous people. I must admit that I would not put myself there, having slept with a grand total of 4 people in my lifetime, but given that you have used words like wedlock, innocent & correct in the ways that you have, I’m going to assume that polyamory would fall outside of normality for you. I’d like for you to know that I have not been abused. My parents are in a long and stable marriage. I was never beaten, neglected, or otherwise ill-used. I’ve been in a stable and loving relationship with my partner Arthur for over a decade. Yes, that is right, love.

      Do you understand how thoroughly disempowering this kind of talk is? It is a real kick in the teeth. In your post, you are not even addressing the author directly. She. That woman. Stop it, it isn’t nice and it isn’t fair. You can disagree all you like, but you need to let women own these choices otherwise you are just on a man-hating rant and that is a pretty weak argument however you spin it. 
      -Anna

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      It would be too easy to make fun of the spelling mistakes, the lack of grammatical structure, of even the general lack of sense the article makes.

      Let’s try this, on a level that you might be able to understand better:
      > NO man will love a child that is not his: they r much more likely 2 HATE the child

      Go ahead.  Tell me again the love I feel for our kids is not real.  I dare you.

  2. Avatar
    Emmanuelle Undine on

    Thanks for taking the time to read my article so closely and for writing such a lengthy and passionate invective. Clearly it hit a nerve — perhaps on some primal, subconscious level it turned you on? 🙂

    I encourage you to read the New York Times bestselling scholarly book “Sex at Dawn.” It will shed some light on the Victorian-based social construction of the “Angel in the House” paradigm that has imprisoned women’s sexuality for close to two centuries in the western world (did you know that at the turn of the last century medical doctors used to masturbate female patients suffering from hysteria? That’s how dildos and vibrators were invented). This seminal book will also outline the true nature of our human sexuality as one that fosters cooperation, sharing, and multiple partnerships.

    Cheers!

    E.

  3. Avatar
    Emmanuelle Undine on

    Thanks for taking the time to read my article so closely and for writing such a lengthy and passionate invective. Clearly it hit a nerve — perhaps on some primal, subconscious level it turned you on? 🙂

    I encourage you to read the New York Times bestselling scholarly book “Sex at Dawn.” It will shed some light on the Victorian-based social construction of the “Angel in the House” paradigm that has imprisoned women’s sexuality for close to two centuries in the western world (did you know that at the turn of the last century medical doctors used to masturbate female patients suffering from hysteria? That’s how dildos and vibrators were invented). This seminal book will also outline the true nature of our human sexuality as one that fosters cooperation, sharing, and multiple partnerships.

    Cheers!

    E.

  4. Avatar
    Emmanuelle Undine on

    Thanks for taking the time to read my article so closely and for writing such a lengthy and passionate invective. Clearly it hit a nerve — perhaps on some primal, subconscious level it turned you on? 🙂

    I encourage you to read the New York Times bestselling scholarly book “Sex at Dawn.” It will shed some light on the Victorian-based social construction of the “Angel in the House” paradigm that has imprisoned women’s sexuality for close to two centuries in the western world (did you know that at the turn of the last century medical doctors used to masturbate female patients suffering from hysteria? That’s how dildos and vibrators were invented). This seminal book will also outline the true nature of our human sexuality as one that fosters cooperation, sharing, and multiple partnerships.

    Cheers!

    E.

  5. Avatar

    thank you for sharing your insights ,,, we slowly worked our way up to gangbangs, and while threesomes still account for most of our sexual trysts, gangbangs are a now a regular part of our swinging experiences

  6. Avatar

    I started in High School, when I was just 16. I had been dating a senior for about a month and we had been having sex almost daily from that first date. He and his buddies where going to do some 4 wheeling out in the desert the weekend after they graduated and wanted to bring girls but could not find any.
    He asked if I would like to go and I wanted to but arranging that was really hard, fortunatly I had friend that would cover for me. If you know Arizona, it is hot by that time of year but they knew of a spot near the Verde River where we could jump in the water.
    It was an uncomfortable ride for me as I was not used to getting beat around in a jeep so when we got there I just pulled off my shorts (I had a suit under) and jumped in the ice cold water. I got out and started drinking beer to warm up. I drank too much and soon I was dancing around the campfire loving the attention the boys, 6 of them where giving me. I was feeling so sexy, so grown up!
    It got dark and the boys put on some music, by this time we all where really wasted. I intended to sleep in his tent but the night was so nice, the moon so bright that you could see for miles! A song came on that I really liked and I got up again to dance, my boyfriend pulled at my top and off it came! I should have felt guilty, but it was so freeing and the boys eyes where wide open staring at me! I felt like a stripper teasing them with my bouncing and bending.
    I had to pee and asked him to walk with me. I staggered out and found a place. As I bent over he stood in front of me and undid his jeans, I finished what I was doing and got on my knees in front of him. I was determinded to make him like me and think I was grown up so when he went to college he wouldn’t dump me for some older girl.
    I guess I didn’t pull up my shorts and when he grabbed me and took my hand I was naked, totally naked! He walked me back to the campfire to the cheers of the others and told me to dance. Soon I was on some other guys lap, his fingers probing me and it was then I realized what I was there for. Stupid me.
    I didn’t fight, I kissed the guy and wondered if he knew I had just had my boyfriends, his friends penis in my mouth? He pulled me over him and entered me. I was scared but too excited to stop what was going to happen. I don’t know if they would have let me, I still like to think they would have.
    He finished quickly but another was right behind me pulling me to my sleeping blanket that they had laid out. I just laid down as he climbed on and entered me. I had my first true orgasm with him and I just met him that day. It was fantastic, knowing they all wanted me so badly. Things where a bit blurry after that but I remember each and every one of them and I had several orgasms that night.
    I woke up naked in my sleeping bag. I was increadably hung over and so sore. I remembered as I woke up what had happened. I felt so guilty, so ashamed and started crying. My boyfriend was in his tent asleep and I so wanted to go to him but I was sure he would hate me now, I had just had sex with all of his friends.
    As the sun came up and everyone got going I asked him to take me home. He said there was no way he was driving me all the way back and if I didn’t want to go out 4wheeling with them just to hang out at the campground and they would be back later. I watched as they drove off wondereing what they thought of me.
    I spent a couple of hours sitting there, wondering what was going to happen for the next two day when one of the guys came back. He had to run back into town to do something and my “boyfriend” told him to pick me up and take me home. I never saw him again.
    Later in college I was out with some friend when we got asked to a party. It was wild, a pool where the girls where running around topless and lots of rooms where couples where hiding. I lost track of my two friends when I met this really hot upper classman. He convinced me (not too hard to do) to go into his room. It didn’t take long before we where having sex but he was too drunk and passed out. I was about to get dressed when the door opened and there was another hot upper classman. I was drunk and still horny so when he closed the door behind him I just smiled.
    We actually just pushed the first guy out of the way and went at it. Before he even finished there was another guy in the room, watching. He came up and kneeled beside me and put his erection just inches from my face. I loved being the center of attention!
    The room began to fill up and I lost count of how many guys entered me. It was my first anal encounter, my first double penatration and my first time having three men in me at once.
    I woke up the next morning but this time I was not ashamed, I didn’t feel guilty but I was again very hung over! I went to find my friends but they had left after they found out I was having sex with all those guys, they didn’t want to have anything to do with me after that.
    After I married we tryed swinging but I craved all the attention. I had sex with the wives and the husbands but we soon realized my husband wasn’t well endowed enough to be a swinger. After few failed attempts we decided to only swing with men. I loved it and my husband seemed to really like it to.
    One night we where to meet a guy but he backed out so we invited another to meet us at the same bar. They both showed up! After a little conversation we all went back to one of their places and had sex. Soon we where doing that once a month and then more and more men showed up. Finally my husband told me he was tired of it all and we stopped.
    It has been almost two years since the last time I have been with multiple men and I have started thinking of it all the time. I intend to ask my husband if he would let me do it again.
    I guess once a woman starts doing this she can never get it out of her mind completly. The truth is I only orgasm when I am having sex with several men.

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    My wife, Lucy, left a post yesterday and suggested I tell my side of the story. How do I start, how do I explain why this is such a turn on for me? I do not even understand it myself.
    I guess it started when I was very young. I was raised by my mother and I had one sister, much older than me. Mom worked nights in a bar, later I found out it was topless. She was and is a very attractive woman, one that men stare at every time she goes out. My sister is also very attractive, both are tall, blond, blue eyes with very large breasts and thin builds. I however am shorter with brown eyes and dark hair.
    My sisters father, my mom’s ex is tall blue eyed and very “conservative” Mom was always a free spirit. I was never told who my real father was but later in life I put some clues together and realized I had been concieved when they where married but not by him which broke up the marriage.
    Back to my sister. Since mom worked nights I was taken care of by my older sister whom I adored! We would sit and watch TV and I would fall asleep next to her almost every night. Some nights I would crawl in bed with her and snuggle. I knew not to go into my mom’s room as a lot of times she would have sleep overs?
    I guess you could say mom and sister where nudists in a sense. If no one was around they rarely wore clothes so I assumed everyone was like that until I started spending nights with my friends. Big shock for one of my friends when he was over and my sister walked out topless! I also got a lecture about telling her when I had friends over.
    Then sister began to have boyfriends over. She would put me to bed and I could hear them talking in the living room. I was so jealous and hated them taking her time from me. One night I got up and wanted some water. The TV was on but I could not hear them talking, I assumed he had gone home. I walked down the dark hall and looked in, he was sitting on the couch with this really funny expression on his face, an expression I didn’t understand at the time. I didn’t see her until I took a couple more steps. She was on her knees in front of him, she was naked and his pants where down around his ankles. Her head was bobbing up and down on his lap, then she pulled her hair away and I could see what she was doing. His thing was in her mouth and she was sucking on him!
    To a boy my age that was, confusing to say the least! His eyes where closed and of course she was busy so they didn’t know I was there. She got up and crawled on top of him and reached around taking his erection and pulling it between her legs, she sat back and I could see it dissapear inside her. I was scared to death! And the size of him, he was huge compared to me but I thought it was because he was older and I assumed I would grow there too, I am still waiting.
    I watched as she began to move up and down, kissing him and him kissing her nipples. That was the first time I remember getting an erection! I stood there and fondled myself for a second and that is all it took. Wet stuff came out of me and I thought I had pee’d my pajamas but it felt so increadable!
    I looked back up and my sister was looking straight at me. She had no expression on her face and it looked like she was no longer doing any moveing, he was bucking at her from underneith. Her hand went up and her finger pointed to my room then she looked down and the growing wet spot on my pajamas. I was terrified she would be angry but she just smiled.
    I waited in my bed so ashamed, so confused until I heard his car leave and my door open. She came in with another pair of pajama bottom for me. She said let’s get you cleaned up and pulled my dirty ones off. I was somewhat stuck to them so she got a washcloth and wiped me. I began to get erect again but she didn’t say anything. She just helped me with my bottoms and told me everything was alright. She told me that she still loved me most but she needed something from boys her age I couldn’t give her. She also told me not to tell mom!
    I laid there for a long time and got lonely so I snuck into her room and crawled up in bed with her. She had always worn something to bed but tonight she was naked. As soon as I realized this I wanted to leave but I could not. I cuddled up to her and felt her body next to mine, it was warmer than it had ever been before and she smelled so different!
    At one point in the night I woke to find my face between her breasts. I so wanted to suckle on them like I had seen my mom’s friend baby do. At that time I thought all women had milk in them! I started to but she moved a bit and I was afraid to wake her.
    I woke up the next morning alone to find I had spoiled another pair of pajama bottoms. I guess this was my very first wet dream.
    I hurried and changed then found my sister making breakfast. She seemed different today, so happy, so warm and loving? As time went on I realized that after a visit from her boyfriend she was always like that the next day.
    I began to not be jealous of him, or them because I knew when they left I would be the one she loved, she was only using them for something I was not able to give her. I guess that realization started the whole thing about my wife and other men.
    My first expereince with gang bangs. I was at a party after college. One woman was there, maybe in her thirties and very, very hot! We where all early 20’s so she seemed out of place. An older man was there too, maybe 40 something? I was to find out it was her husband. They got up and went into the bedroom, I thought they where going in to have sex until one of the guys at the party got up and joined them.
    He left the door open and guys began to go in too. I was curious so I looked in. There on the bed was this hot woman, totally naked with the first guy that went in, another guy was pulling his pants down getting ready to join them. Guys where standing all around and a couple had their cocks out playing with themselves! Her husband was sitting on the chair watching. He was rubbing himself thru his pants.
    She seemed to be loving all of it, she was making sounds and asking the guys to “fuck me” Of course they all where. Mostly two on the bed at the same time and mostly she was performing oral on one or another all the time. The guys finished and got out, the room was getting empty and I realized I had to take a turn to be a part of this. I knew by this age I was not as big as the other boys but I had to do this. I pulled my pants down and got in bed. She grabbed it and looked at me. I knew from the look on her face she felt sorry for me but she pulled it to her mouth anyway and almost as soon as it went in I got off.
    I have always shot a huge load and it suprises women, all that from such a small faucet? She swollowed and gagged a bit. She almost laughed when she said “Thank You!”
    Fortunatly the other boys where too busy to notice my lack of endowment but when I looked over at her husband he smiled, for the first time that night, and nodded his head like we where sharing a secret. I can only assume he has the same problem.
    I love my wife and watching her with so many men was such a turn on. I guess a couple of years ago I got all wierd about it. I don’t know why. I continued to have fantasies about it but kept them to myself. I am now ready to continue a lifestyle that I know she wants.

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    Hey Emmanuelle! I just discovered your blog and I love it! Your attitude about sex and lifestyle is refreshing and honest, which is lovely to read. I’m a fellow montrealer, and have started getting into the scene, slowly but surely. If you ever feel like a local chat, drop me an email! I know this is random, and has the potential to seem creepy since it’s online, but it just seems like we could be friends…! Take care, and enjoy the sunny weather!

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