Review: Moist Lube Dispenser by Pipedream

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Pipedream Moist Lube DispenserI wanted to love this, really I did.

Unfortunately, I gotta say that the Moist Lube Dispenser from Pipedream is a disappointment.

When I saw the Moist Lube Dispenser amongst the many fun things that Pipedream Products has to offer, I immediately wanted it. By and large, lubes are difficult. The most common lubes are in bottles with the pop top that you the squeeze. Unfortunately, since you turn these bottles upside down to squeeze the lube out, as soon as you turn them back right-side, the lube tends to leak around the lid and bottle. This leaves those bottles of lube that are so important to our sexy time slick, easily droppable, and kinda ooky. (While slippery is a lot of fun during sexy time, touching a slippery bottle in the harsh light of day is rather…..ick.)

Some lube companies have worked their way around this, with the soft-soap style pump dispenser. This is a significant improvement, and our favorite lubes come this way.

So, as someone who uses a lot of lube on a regular basis, I've spent a good deal of time thinking about how our lube situation could be improved. We had many discussions about turning those automatic soap dispensers into a bedside just-wave-your-hand lube dispenser. And we still will likely do that. The Pipedream Moist Lube Dispenser seemed to fall right along the same lines as our more unique and simple lube dispensary plans, so when I brought it home, I set it up immediately. (and took a picture of it, as you can see above)

What is the Moist Lube Dispenser? Well, it's an adorable little water cooler style lube dispenser, complete with 21oz of Moist Lube in a water bottle shaped container. Press down on the water faucet and lo and behold, lube drips out. This is a great way to dispense lube, because you hold your hand under the faucet, and then let it up when you feel you have enough in your hand. Letting the faucet plunger up stops the lube right away without any real drippage.

Sounds great, doesn't it? I was elated the hours leading up to a sexy party at which this was to be unveiled.

First, the lube. Well, Moist water based lube is very similar to a lot of general drug-store or sexy store lubes. They're cheap, sticky, and work for a little while. (Ideal for highschoolers, hyuck-hyuck-hyuck! [sorry]) But that's alright. I had big plans to replace the lube in the water bottle with something awesome, perhaps System JO Silicone.

Again, sounds great, Coop, what's your damage? Well, here's the problem that makes this distinctly a disappointment. If you take your index finger, perhaps while you're dispensing some of the slippery stuff, and say, push a TAD BIT too hard against the white base…it goes over instantly. The base is entirely plastic and hollow and extremely light, whereas the lube bottle up top, well, it's dense and heavy.

Needless to say, this adorable lube dispenser wound up on our floor three times that night. But, without further adieu, the fatal flaw in the Moist Lube Dispenser: the bottle isn't attached at all.

That's right, you peel off the seal and stick this bottle upside down in the dispenser. There's no twist lock, there's just a hole. Making it so easy to knock this bottle off its base that, in addition to the three falls this took that wound up spilling several ounces of lube into our carpet, towards the end of the night, i simply managed to accidentally knock the bottle right off the base, spilling lube onto the nightstand, the wall, then the floor.

Holy shit.

So, with a few design alterations (a heavier/solid base, a locking attachment for the bottle, better lube) this could be a really awesome bedroom accessory. Unfortunately, it's just cute.

Full Disclosure: We did not purchase this product, it was sent to us specifically for review. Our policy is to, regardless of how we acquired a product, review it fairly and openly. No writer for Life On The Swingset will ever deliberately mislead our readers into believing that a product is good because of anything we received from the company. We are open and honest, and cannot be bought or bribed. If we love a product, we'll tell you, if we don't, BELIEVE us, we'll tell you that too. End disclaimer.

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About Cooper Cooper S. Beckett is the co-founder and host of Life on the Swingset: The Podcast since 2010, author of swinging & polyamory novels A Life Less Monogamous and Approaching The Swingularity, and memoir My Life on the Swingset: Adventures in Swinging & Polyamory. He teaches and speaks on swinging, polyamory, pegging, play parties, and coloring outside the boundaries of your sexuality. He is a graphic & web designer, photographer, and voice over artist, has been a guest expert on Dan Savage’s Savage Lovecast, & is the announcer of Tristan Taormino’s radio show Sex Out Loud. He is currently working on two instructional non-fiction books, one about beginning non-monogamy, and another about pegging.

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