When we decided to give this swinging thing a try, I never realized just how much work it would actually be. I’m not quite sure how I thought we would meet people. I guess I assumed the perfect couple would just show up naked at our door, ready to go. It’s a lot harder than that. (That's what she said…)
Mr. S and I have been married for almost six years and together for over ten, so dating is a pretty foreign concept to us. When we decided to jump into the lifestyle, we turned to the place most beloved to our generation: the internet. Social networking is such a huge part of our lives already that it didn’t seem weird at all to find our potential swing friends on-line. My grandma even found her second husband on-line!
As newbies we’ve had a ton of apprehensions and insecurities about finding people. I’d call us attractive, but we definitely don’t have South Beach bodies. Would other people find us attractive? After they met us, would they shoot us down right away? Would people be creepy? Would we feel like sleaze balls meeting up with couples just for sex? Would “dating” be awkward?
We tested the waters by checking out Craigslist. We headed to the casual encounters page (which did make us feel a little creepy at first) and sifted through the posts. We weeded out the ones that seemed too crude or just plain fake. It was fun giggling about the silly posts and also a little exciting! It was kind of hard to find anyone we were interested in. I guess we’re kind of picky, but if you can’t capitalize properly and use complete sentences, you’re probably not our type…
Once we got more comfortable with the on-line thing, we did a little research and signed up for a few social networks just for people like us. This is when things starting getting a little hectic (and fun!). We worked hard to make a well-written profile that actual tells the readers something about us. We agonized over how to word certain things and how to seem desirable. We were frustrated by the lack of information on other profiles. We took some playful, sexy photos (which made for a very sexy evening), sent out a few virtual flirts, and waited to see the results.
We were overwhelmed with the number of messages and responses we got! In a matter of weeks we were on our fourth “first date” and had a small group of people we were messaging to get to know. It was quite hard to keep track of who was who at first, but it's a lot of fun!
“We got another flirt!”
“Which couple were they again?”
“You know…the girl with the nipple ring…”
“Oh, them…I thought it was the spatula people!”
We’ve been quite happy with the people we’ve found on-line so far. Now that we've browsed a little and been on the sites for a few weeks, things have calmed down a bit. It really isn't hard to get the feel for someone on-line right away. You can tell if someone just doesn't seem right, so we avoid them. If a couple seems much more intense than us, or into things we aren't comfortable with, we don’t contact them. It's easy! We’ve already learned a little bit about swinging etiquette too. At first, we felt bad denying people who were just a bit too old or not quite our type. But, we’ve had very positive responses. People even thank us for a friendly, “No, thanks!” instead of just ignoring them.
Of course we haven't had all wonderful experiences. Our date with Mr. and Mrs. Rockstar was…interesting…These two were intense. Mr. Rockstar was in a cover band. Mrs. Rockstar was a groupie. We met at a heavy metal bar that played the music a little too loud for an intimate conversation. Mr. Rockstar had a somewhat creepy mustache and was a close talker. He was loud and boisterous. He liked to dominate the conversation (which was probably a good sign that he'd be pushy in the bedroom…). It was hard to get a word in, even when he asked a question. Discretion was not Mr. Rockstar's strong point. He repeatedly flirted awkwardly with our waitress (even touching her) and spoke pretty loudly about their swinging activities, which seemed to embarrass the Mrs. He seemed very amused by our travels to Bangkok. He loved using the word Bangkok in every sentence. I'm not sure if he had ever heard of the city. I guess the deal breaker was when he told us that the reason he loves swing parties is that he could just walk up to any girl he wanted, tell her she has nice tits, and then touch them. Hmmm……They just weren't quite right for us…
On the other hand, we've also had some really fun first dates. We've really clicked with a few people and are excited about the possibilities. It’s quite fun being flirty and going on dates again. I love touching, laughing, and flirting. I really love coming home after a great first date and having super exciting sex with Mr. Softy. We can instantly tell when we just “click” with a couple. The anticipation and build up about what’s in store gets me very excited. I never really thought about this aspect of being a swinger, but I like it!