So this article has 3 segments: OBJECTIVE-expectations of the event, EXPERIMENT-during the event, and CONCLUSIONS-afterthoughts.
I will be heading to Boston for Thanksgiving. Some friends will be having a play-party for the holidays. I am very excited for this weekend. One of my dominant play partners will be driving us down to Boston. We will call him Monsieur. (Monsieur is from Canada and a very unassuming, handsome dominant. We met in Vegas 2yrs ago and I was sexually aroused by him and stated point blank that I wanted to have sex with him. He had a new girlfriend and was unsure of her comfort level with new sex partners. During one of his visits to the states, he confessed that he felt he’d missed his chance with me in Vegas and he regretted it. I was quite confused but I reminded him that I would be traveling to his area soon and we could play then. So despite the previous rejection, we remained friends and later we played together with her permission. (Often, I wonder why folks believe that after missing what they think is their one chance with someone, there will never be another opportunity.)
I have only been on high protocol (very strict submission where you do not interact with anything but the dominant) once before with Monsieur. He was amazing plus the sex after was fantastical (word from the Foxy Dictionary). I was not allowed to speak or touch anyone but Monsieur for the evening. He fed me, lead me around on a short leash and watch me at all times including using the restroom.
The feeling of freedom for that evening was beyond anything I could have imagined. In a world where freedom is so celebrated, it is strange to think of submission as a freeing experience. But truthfully, being completely controlled has some freeing aspects. You are no longer making decisions as to where to go or what to do. There were no thoughts of what others are thinking, only that I wanted to please Monsieur, be a good sub, and do as I was told. Every step taken and every move made was for his pleasure. I love to give myself completely to Monsieur because it is a level of self I am just starting to explore. After the high protocol experience, I bought myself a leash and collar for when I want to submit on that level.
This time I will be under his command all weekend long. This is the longest I have submitted to anyone and God only know what kind of torment I will be enduring. But I definitely trust him with all of me. I believe that I can only submit to those who I know will still keep me safe and not put me in any harm that I can not handle. This is why the poly and kink go together in my mind; you are trusting someone else with your most precious treasure (your essence) and hoping that they don’t hurt this fragile thing that you are sharing with them. Every partner (sexual or kinky) is as potentially amazing as they are dangerous. It is that danger that keeps me from submitting with strangers at a public play party. I could not give control of myself to anyone that I had just met. That's funny…that someone I just met has a better chance of having sex with me than playing with me.
So, I am going into this experience with expectation but not wants. I am trying to get myself mentally ready for anything including service. The level of service is what I am most afraid of: What if I have to surrender my cellphone or netbook? Will he need to approve who I am talking to? I think I am feeling the cold feet jitters. What will happen if I am bad? What will happen if I am good? Will he play with me this weekend or will he just torture me? Will I be allowed to suck his dick like I want to or will that be my reward if I am good?
I would love to say that every scene or playtime is pure perfection but that is far from truth. There are awkward moments, laughter, embarrassment, even over compensation. Finding someone that you can play with consistently and that feed both partner’s insatiable dark places is not an everyday experience. I guess that is the correlation for me. Looking for a play partner is like looking for love and everyone in BDSM is playamorous (having multiple play partner). No matter who you are, or how many people you have played with, it will always feel like a first date when you play with someone in a new way.
Monsieur put my collar on after we arrived in Boston. Our hostess had only seen me as a dominant and seemed a bit overwhelmed to see me kneeling at anyone’s feet awaiting instructions. After making dinner for Monsieur, I patiently waited to be fed and was instructed to clean up any scraps of food (without utensils) from his plate as he held it out to me. Our hostess sat in silence trying not to stare but looked even more astonished.
In the morning, Monsieur's alarm woke me up to begin breakfast for him which he had decided upon before bed. After setting up breakfast, I asked for permission to shower and get ready for the day. Monsieur put food into my mouth and said “Oui.” (While I was submitting to Monsieur, I did my best to give most answers in French. Monsieur went over a few words and pronunciations with me before he put on my collar.) After a long day in Boston, I came back and was instructed to clean the kitchen for the party that evening, make a dish for the potluck, and prepare a snack for Monsieur. I complete all tasks. Then, I help Monsieur dress for the evening and I wore the outfit Monsieur picked out earlier along with my matching wrist restraints.
At the party, I received my first spanking of the weekend which brought me to tears. I was overjoyed to have it. After shining Monsieur’s latex pants and shirt, I was very horny and excited to be commanded to his dick. And did my best to devour all of him along side another couple. The collar made it very hard to get his dick into my mouth without constantly choking and the restraints made it almost impossible to use my hands. The frustration just made me want to have sex more than ever especially hearing Monsieur enjoy the work that I was doing on his dick with my tongue. Unfortunately, Monsieur and I went to bed without any sexual encounter besides the earlier fellatio. It was hard to sleep with that much sexual energy inside me but I finally did rest.
I rose the next morning and had a nice chat with Monsieur about the kinky scene in NYC and abroad. I was sent to the kitchen to make Monsieur breakfast but was angered to find out that someone had finished all of Monsieur’s orange juice. We sat in the living room as the rest of the house awoke. A naked woman strolled past us with as yawning good morning and our hostess was surprised to see us up after being awake until very early that morning. After washing the dirty dishes from breakfast, Monsieur granted me the option to have play/sex or clean with the hostess. I chose to have sex, knowing that I was definitely choosing the worse of two evils.
Monsieur spanked me until my ass was warm enough for him which meant very heavy hits with his hand and a new toy. As I lay stretched out over his legs, he pinned me down with one hand and retrieve the his new toy with the other. It was two pieces of cardboard that had been stuck together with a hard, sturdy industrial strength glue. The strikes from it reverberated across me and pain seemed to be everywhere. Monsieur laughed at my cries of terror at the toy and then stuffed his dick down my throat. The enjoyment of the new sensation made the pain seem null. All my writhing in pain sent my legs over the bed, he swiftly moved behind me and slide his hard member inside me. With a forceful push he awoke every nerve in my body and a slap to my ass resonated through me. He pulled out moving to a near by chair and command me to start a shower. I was a bit of a brat and asked for more fellatio before leaving for my task. He sat back in the chair which seem grandiose as his moans seem to be in sync with my slurping. I was told to stand up and sit on his lap like a good girl. I could feel my pussy tighten around the cold hard condom that was dripping with saliva. He pushed in deep and I gasped for air that was not there. Suddenly, my moans were accompanied by cries of pain from him pummelling my bare butt with earth shattering hits. I nearly choked on my own spit. My arms wrapped around him tightly as he satisfied all my pleasure and pain needs. Then, my world halted. Monsieur said it was time to stop.
He sent me to turn on the shower because we would be showering together. He stated that he had to wash his toys after he played with them. I felt very honor he had include me in that statement. I spent the rest of the day cleaning and packing up the room including Monsieur clothes and personal items. Unfortunately, I forgot his long canes at the hostess’ home and we had to drive back and get them.
I really enjoyed submitting for such a long time. It was difficult because I am so used to getting my way and being selfish. But I loved being told what to do and where to go and being on call for just one person. Though, the time together was hard because I was only worried about what he needed or wanted, it heighten all interactions especially the sexual ones.
Monsieur and I will keep seeing each other and play when we can but I love having an outlet for the other side of me. It definitely brings balance to The FORCE that is Foxy.