SS 323: Gang Bang The Mailbag 35: Dental Dams, Straight Women, Aspergers & Swinging

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Cooper S. Beckett, Dylan Thomas, and Ginger Bentham know that the mailbag won’t gang bang itself, so they’ve sat down to answer listener submitted questions for the 35th time!

Question 1:

Great podcast, I enjoy listening to you guys. My boyfriend and I are in an open relationship and it is going very well. My question is about dental dams, he and I don’t use condoms when together but we always do with other people. He tried giving me oral using a dental dam just as an experiment and honestly I felt absolutely nothing 🙁 most people don’t use them i assume for exactly that reason. At least with condom the man still feels sensation although it’s decreased comparing it to dental dam where one feels absolutely nothing, I barely felt he was down there lol. I know giving and receiving oral without a barrier is not the safest specially if involved in this lifestyle but when dental dam sucks so much what other alternatives are there to encourage it’s usage. Could it be the brand of dental dam I used? Are there better brands out there that might be a little better.

 

Question 2:

Just started listening to your podcast and my husband and I are interested in adventuring into this fun world. We visited a sex club not too far away and we had a fun evening together, but it seemed like we were more adventurous than most of the other couples there that night. For the cost of being there, I wondered if we would be able to connect with other couples interested in setting up our own sexual adventure night at a very nice hotel. Am I being naive or is this a possibility? What are your thoughts with your experiences on this? We are open to engaging with others in our sexual play and with other couples.
Kelli

 

Question 3:

I am on the spectrum of Aspergers. Since I can’t easily read people and don’t know what they want, I take the approach of “if that was good for you, I’ll do it again next time”, how do I broach this with other swing partners in a positive way, and avoid repetitive sex?’

 

Question 4:

This is the most privileged problem one can have, but I have noticed since entering my current open relationship (and trying to enter the local poly community) that there doesn’t seem to be much of a place for straight women.

I strongly identify as straight. I don’t come from a repressive community (in fact many people in my family know I’m ethically non-monogamous and are very supportive) and I’m not aware of any bias I have against bi women – in fact recently I’ve reaaaaalllly wished I wanted anything to do with women. It seems a shame to not have the potential to experience half the population.

I haven’t experimented with women. And I honestly just do not want to. I have knee jerk negative reactions about the thought of having sex with other women. I feel annoyed by it when couples invite me to play, and I actually have low level violent urges sometimes (not fun ones – like ‘I’m going to deck this chick if she keeps touching my waste’ urges). I feel the same way about snuggling and kissing – this isn’t mere vag-phobia.

I keep hearing this message that no one is all straight and you need to exiperiment to know. But I don’t think experimenting is physically or emotionally safe for me.

Should I just accept that, at least for now, I’m straight as an arrow and accept the limitations of that (I see the irony in this statement btw)? What do I say to people who meet my self identification with cynicism? I’m frustrated.

Thank you for listening,

Jaq

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You can now order Cooper’s novel Approaching The Swingularity, his previous novel A Life Less Monogamous, or his memoir My Life on the Swingset: Adventures in Swinging & Polyamory as an ebook, paperback, or audiobook. Use promo code SWINGSET at coopersbeckett.com to save 10%.

 

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Attend the Chicago Non-Monogamy Conference! It takes place Saturday, May 19th, 2018, at the Chicago School of Professional Psychology, this year’s CNMC’s headlining topic is: Taking the privilege out of polyamory: Addressing race, sex, ability, and class in the nonmonogamy community.

 

Our 2017 THEME comes courtesy of Vlad Lucan and his track: Reverse!

 

Our Desire 2018 Advertisement includes music by ローマンRoman titled: Bikini, off the Paradise album.

Our Chicago Non-Monogamy Conference Advertisement includes music by ローマンRoman titled: N U L I F E, off the P A L M S I V album.

These tracks are licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported (CC BY 3.0) license.

Cooper S Beckett
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Life on the Swingset

A podcast about swinging, polyamory, open relationships, and "the lifestyle" from the trenches. A diverse group tackles many issues involved with non-monogamy and what it means to be a swinger or polyamorous from the point of view of educating and illuminating what, for many, is a confusing journey to start on. Subscribe on iTunes Subscribe on Stitcher Subscribe via RSS

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