SS 289: Gang Bang the Mailbag 32 – “My Wife and I”

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Eighteen episodes is the longest we’ve ever gone without a listener mailbag episode, so tonight we’ve dug in deep with a new collection of listener questions including a highly coveted voicemail (573-55-SWING folks)! Dr. Liz PowellMike Joseph, Dirty Lola, Cooper S. Beckett, and Dylan Thomas field your questions and dig deep. In addition to fielding a voicemail question about dating and learning about how to put out what you’re up for, we responded to:

Question 2:

My wife and I each identify as Poly. We have been actively practicing non-monogamy for a number of years now. This past year however, I was diagnosed with depression and bipolar. living and coping with this condition has really brought strife into our relationship. Therefore, after much consultation with each other and my therapist we have decided to close our marriage for now. There were no active outside relationships at the time, so there was no pulling couple’s privilege.

Now however, after this initial period of introspection, I found myself asking this question:
Why do people (huge sweeping generalization there) who identify as Poly or otherwise non-monogamous seem to default to monogamy when things get tough with one of the relationships (usually the “primary”)?

Shouldn’t someone who identifies as Poly, have Poly as their default/fall back situation?

 

Question 3:

my wife & I have been talking about swinging for a while now and we’ve talked with a few couples but haven’t been able to set up a meet yet. the question we have is how do we get over the nervousness of bringing a fantasy to reality and what happens if we don’t like the reality of it

 

Question 4:

Dear Swingset.

My wife and I have been together for 5 years and my sexual experiences is quite limited. I have many fetishes and we stumbled into a FMF threesome one drunken evening. We have explored some of my fantasies together but many make her uncomfortable and we mostly stick to vanilla sex and light bondage.

We are both bisexual and I have never had a sexual experience with another man. I gently brought up the idea of us trying swinging and exploring the many M and F configurations together. This lead to fights and her refusing to even have the discussion with me. She would not let me do this on my own nor with her with the cost being our relationship. After several month I brought it up again and after a long and emotional talk we agreed that we would dip our toes but do everything together, she would set the pace and have veto powers. We started on Feeld and after a couple dates with couples found that she has no physical attractions to males with the exception of me. This is problematic as it leaves me with no males to pursue and us to go unicorn hunting.

Long story short we stopped our adventure with nothing gained except a deepened resentment towards me for ‘pressuring’ her into uncomfortable situations that she didn’t want to be a part of anyways. By making the rules that we did everything together she felt she had no choice.

Now I’m in a situation where I will not have a chance to be with any other men or women or explore my fetishes for the cost of exploring is my marriage. I feel resentment towards her and my level of physical and emotional attraction towards has suffered greatly.

What am I to do?

 

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Leave us a comment on this post or at contact@lifeontheswingset.com or leave us a voicemail at 573-55-SWING (573-557-9464).

You can now pre-order Cooper’s novel Approaching The Swingularity, his previous novel A Life Less Monogamous, or his memoir My Life on the Swingset: Adventures in Swinging & Polyamory as an ebook, paperback, or audiobook. Use promo code SWINGSET at coopersbeckett.com to save 10%.

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Our 2017 THEME comes courtesy of Vlad Lucan and his track: Reverse!

Cooper S Beckett
Dr. Liz Powell
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Life on the Swingset

A podcast about swinging, polyamory, open relationships, and "the lifestyle" from the trenches. A diverse group tackles many issues involved with non-monogamy and what it means to be a swinger or polyamorous from the point of view of educating and illuminating what, for many, is a confusing journey to start on. Subscribe on iTunes Subscribe on Stitcher Subscribe via RSS

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