When people consider exploring non-monogamy, we tell them to picture a pretty good but occasionally difficult relationship (ie, every relationship) and then picture it expanding exponentially because you’ve added more people. Eventually becoming a tesseract of interlocking and interconnected parts. Each of those parts, believe it or not, have a mind of their own. We’ve all been in moments where it seems insurmountable, where we acknowledge that this whole damned thing is just too hard and consider the days of monogamous yore. We discuss what pushes us to the edge, and what keeps us going, because playing with and loving others feels so fucking right.
Dylan starts the discussion with a personal update; Tonia feels isolated, not having people she feels she can talk to openly even when she’s surrounded by friends contributes to that feeling. It’s made her consider giving up this whole non-monogamy thing and it’s left Dylan feeling useless since there’s not a lot that Dylan can do to directly help. Dylan’s feels guilt over some recent success and he hates the feeling that he’s leaving her bind.
Cooper mentions that, acknowledging the negative feedback loop Tonia’s in, that multiple partners bring a particular joy that we all seek, sexually and emotionally, Dylan explanabrags a bit but then admits that his #1 attraction to this lifestyle is that he no longer has to feel along, because he’s part of this exclusive (but very inclusive) club. Ginger seals the point by stating that the relationship choices we make enrich our lives through the people we connect with, and that we bring that energy back to the relationships with those we’ve built a life with.
Ginger recommends a book, Open Marriage: A New Life Style for Couples, by Nena O’Neill.
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Leave us a comment on this post or at email@example.com or leave us a voicemail at 573-55-SWING (573-557-9464). Find Cooper on Twitter @CooperSBeckett, Dylan on Twitter @DylanTheThomas, and Ginger on twitter @GingerNTheProf.
You can Cooper’s novel about swinging, A Life Less Monogamous, at alifelessmonogamous.com or his memoir My Life on the Swingset: Adventures in Swinging & Polyamory at mylifeontheswingset.com as an ebook, paperback, or audiobook and if you buy them from his sites, use promo code SWINGSET to save 10%!