The swinging lifestyle is intriguing, exciting and a little intimidating. While swingers are, by their nature, a friendly and welcoming bunch, the experience can still be a little nerve-wracking for first time couples who want to begin experimenting with the swinging lifestyle. That’s why we’ve pulled together 5 pieces of advice to help newcomers feel more at ease and able to enjoy their introduction to this healthy, happy and exciting approach to sexuality.
- Know Your Own Limits
Every person and every couple has their own set of ground rules when it comes to swinging. For some couples, the only rule they have is about being open and honest about their sex play while others set boundaries on the types of sex they are willing to have or how intimate they are willing to become with swinging partners. It’s doesn’t matter where you fall on this spectrum, as long as you’re up front and honest about it with yourself and your partners.
You may find these ground rules evolve, change or even disappear over time and you become more comfortable in the scene or with certain couples. Change is fine when it comes to these boundaries but knowing what they are and making them clear to all players will help to ensure you and your partner are always comfortable. By the same token, make sure you’re aware of any ground rules or boundaries for other couples.
- Get to Know Other Couples Out of the Bedroom
First time couples often find they want to make a connection with another couple that doesn’t rely entirely on sex. Talking and flirting with another couple – or couples – is the best way to test the waters and find a couple with whom you can get along in and out of bed. Sex play is plenty of fun, but you want to avoid problems once the afterglow has faded and choosing couples with whom you share various interests can create an amazing new and multi-dimensional friendship.
- If It Comes Up, Be Honest About Your Experience (or Lack Thereof)
Two couples who both have had little or no experience may find they aren’t a good match for sex play since there’s no one to lead, so to speak. On the other hand, some inexperienced couples prefer playing with another couple new to the game. Sexual and swinging experience often comes up as couples meet up and get to know one another, so don’t hide your inexperience. This will not only help you to be more comfortable in terms of discussing sex, it opens the door for couples with more experience to offer their own bits of advice and insight which can help make your introduction to the swinging life easier.
- Stick Together, Play Together and Talk Together
The first few times you go to a party, it’s normal to feel nervous or unsure. Sex is, after all, one of the biggest forms of intimacy people share and opening up to other partners can take some getting used to, even when it’s a part of your biggest fantasy. Make sure you stick together when mingling at parties and when you find a couple you want to play with, ask if you can watch for a while first before joining in. Most couples are fine with that, especially with new swingers. Once you’re nice and turned on by watching, start some parallel play with each other and let things evolve naturally. Never force yourself to do something you’re uncomfortable with and know that you – and your partner – can call a Time Out anytime you want. It’s a good idea to have a signal you can give to your partner to let them know you need a minute to talk or you need to stop playing immediately. If you see your partner give the signal, don’t think twice about excusing yourself. After you’re done, make time to talk about the experience and review everything you liked about it as well as anything that made you uncomfortable. This can help you find a balance you like and strengthen the emotional bond you have with your partner.
- Don’t Leave the Passion at the Party
Experimenting with the swinging life is a great way for couples to add some spice to their relationship, but that excitement and sense of adventure shouldn’t be confined to swinging parties. Introducing role play, toys and other playful elements to your sex life at home ensures that you won’t become dependent on the involvement of others to keep those fires burning bright. It will also strengthen the connection you have with your partner and ensures that the fun you have with others is just a part of the excitement and passion you share.
Swinging is a lot of fun and is enjoyed by people from all walks of life, so don’t let First Timer nerves keep you from exploring and having fun. Instead, take your time, be open and honest with all your partners and keep the lines of communication open. That’s the biggest key to making sure that swinging stays fun and that you and your partner remain happy, comfortable and – of course – ready for more.