In Ep 12 we talk about pressure, and how pressuring encounters can be as swingers. The first half of our show focuses primarily on male pressure to perform and erectile dysfunction, in the back half we talk about pressure to move beyond your comfort zone, pressure to not use protection and many other things, and we're VERY happy that Sasha has returned to us!
On this show: Cooper, Sasha, Dylan, & Ginger
Podcast: Download (Duration: 43:29 — 20.0MB)
Mrs. Smith and I just found your podcast and website last night and I've listened to a couple of the episodes.
The episode about the pressure to perform really hit home with me as recently while at a party I had a pretty demoralizing and what I would consider to be one of my greatest fears happen. A woman took it personally that I didn't get hard. That was tremendously difficult for me to deal with. I was totally into her but clearly her indication of whether or not a man is into her is if he's hard.
Mrs Smith and I have been talking about this since that party. She is, as always, the most supportive person in the world for me. I'm not sure what it is. Even when in my mind, I'm completely comfortable with the scene and the people that we're with I still can't get hard in a group scene. The idea of ever having an orgasm in a group scene just seems so tremendously far out there that its not something I ever think is going to happen.
The short of the story was that this woman and I were watching another scene together and she was bent over and I was sort of grinding on her ass a bit, which I greatly enjoyed, mind you. When the scene was over and everyone was clearing out of the room, I told her I thought she was really hot and her reply was, "Obviously not hot enough to get you hard." I was absolutely mortified. I'm still unsure of how to escape from the stigma that I've managed to get myself into. As you had said on your podcast it is cyclical. It is a really bad downward spiral filled with fear, anxiety, and diminished self-worth. It just gets worse and worse from then on.
What you guys had said on the podcast of simply putting that aspect of my body out of my mind and focusing on her is precisely what my wife had mentioned I try the next time around. My wife reassures me that I'm a good lover and especially good with oral (both male and female, we're both bi). One of the things I also deal with is comparison. I compare myself to other men who don't have a problem getting raging hard and fucking in public or what have you. After listening to that podcast and realizing that I'm not alone in this issue is very very helpful. The interesting dichotomy is that if I'm alone with my wife, it's game on, everything works fine. If I'm at a swingers club or party, it's shutdown… Even in a recent series of 3somes my wife and I had it was a good amount of time before I was able to play with a functional and useful erection. I imagine, just as my wife reassures me, that as I become more and more comfortable with the parties and clubs and such that my body will catch up to where my mind is.
Thanks for the insightful podcast. Much appreciated and I'm sure I'm not the only one.