Review: The Vamp by Tantus

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Review: The Vamp by TantusBeing a fan of vampires used to mean something. Nowadays, it means liking poorly written fanfic and have posters of glaring, pasty quasi-dead boys on your walls.

Back in my day (ie. the late 90s), it meant something entirely different. It meant loyalty to our lord and savior Buffy Summers (and Her creator Joss Whedon). It meant loving Lestat for the violin-playing rockstar mother-fucker (literally) that he was. It meant following Mina Harker, the badass that didn’t turn into a puddle every time she saw her dead love. It meant not only knowing who Nosferatu was, but knowing how to pronounce it correctly. It meant knowing the rules and playing by them. Vampires don’t sparkle, goddamnit, they BURN.

But now the world is tainted. Being a fan of vampires is not something I own up to without making it very clear that I am a vampire purist. I am a vampire snob. I am also a sex toy snob, so I welcomed Tantus’ Vamp into my bed with open arms… or legs, I guess. I know the Tantus brand has a reputation for amazing toys, medical-grade quality silicone, and actual human being toy-testers, so I was wanted to try it, though I must admit I wasn't chomping at the bit.

Upon first glance The Vamp didn't turn me on, and it didn't make me squeal, “GIMMIE GIMMIE!” In fact, it looked rather boring. The Vamp comes in a shimmery white sparkle color and now a new shimmery purple color. I'm actually glad I was given the purple color. Not only is it really pretty but the thought of Edward Cullen's disembodied penis (who I can only assume it is a tribute to) does not appeal to me. It's a medium to slender sized shaft with a rather large head measuring at its widest 1.75 inches. The length hits 6.5 inches, a good length in my opinion, and it has a nice sturdy flared base so if I ever want to use it in a harness (and I think I do) it should work very nicely. There are no bells or whistles, and it's a pretty firm silicone, so it's not very realistic feeling. I had seen it before, and, honestly from just viewing it, it was rather yawn-worthy.

I can be a sucker for the bells and whistles that usually end up not doing anything for me whatsoever, so I thought I would stray outside of the box this once and try something simple. The Vamp is as sweet and simple as it gets. It was actually refreshing in a way. I wasn't actually using it to try to achieve orgasm but instead just to savor the feeling. Being a girl who knows she needs a strong vibration to really get off easily, I wasn't expecting much, but I did enjoy myself. It was fun to use with a partner especially. Trying out different positions and angling it into being a g-spot massager were possible, and twisting it while inside me was a neat sensation due to the ridges of the head.

A really new concept to me is using silicone toys for temperature sensation play. I’ve heard that glass is the best toy to use for cold toy play (I know a few friends that keep their glass toys in the freezer — I found one while getting ice), and I know that stainless steel holds up heat incredibly well (found out while washing my Njoy Pure Wand and almost burning myself), but the idea of silicone keeping cold and hot temperatures hadn’t occurred to me. Because this is The Vamp, and it’s supposed to embody that of a cold, dead, cock, I thought it was fitting to try it cold. I stuck it in the freezer for a few hours before bed, and I would not recommend doing this on a cold December night. It was like fucking an icicle. It felt like my insides were being filled with nitrogen. Not exactly what I would call… pleasant. On a scale of 10 being orgasmic to 1 being torture, it was like a 4. I imagine it would feel a lot more refreshing on a horribly warm summer night and maybe I’ll wait a few months and try it again, but I’m not about to anytime soon.

Get The Vamp by Tantus directly from Tantus or at SheVibe.

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A sexual educator at Milwaukee's female-owned, feminist-operated The Tool Shed: An Erotic Boutique. She runs the geek burlesque troupe The Dainty Rogues as well as the Young Milwaukee Poly discussion and social groups, and is the emissary for Sex Geekdom in Milwaukee. In her free time (HA!) she owns and operates a geek-themed yarn dying business called Lady Purl Designs .

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