Long distance relationships suck. There’s no two ways about it. Especially if you’re someone like me, where physical affection is one of the major ways that you receive love. Not having someone to just reach out and touch, have a cuddle, or something more; it becomes draining after a while. But it has given me a unique perspective. Since I’m polyamorous, but I’m also in a long distance relationship, most of the time, I might as well be single.
Being “single yet not” comes with a slew of perks, as well as drawbacks. I don’t have to plan around my significant other, barring the weekends or weekdays I spend with her. I control my plans, and my finances. I have the freedom, but I still have someone who is an amazing emotional support for me. I also feel like my dating options aren’t restricted by the fact that I have a partner. Granted, I would still be honest with anyone I would date that I am in an open and long distance relationship, and that I have a very vested interest in maintaining said relationship. So far, the people I’ve been on dates with have really respected that, and my girlfriend.
However, it does have some drawbacks. Any new or potential relationship, especially a local one, causes my Bunny a little bit of stress, even though she’s seen my dedication to her. Simply not being local to me when someone else is means that, no matter how hard I try, things could turn on their head pretty quickly. It does also seem like it would limit my dating pool a bit, as I would have to find someone who is cool with my existing relationship.
Thankfully, my local BDSM community, where I have been investing a lot of time growing my personal relationships, knows Bunny, and totally respect her and my relationship. Sadly, however, the dating pool is a little scarce there: the people I’m interested in dating aren’t as interested in dating me. Which is fine. I’ve recently shifted from the “sprint” mentality in relationships to a bit more of a “marathon” mentality. And it has made a world of difference.
It’s also eased a lot of stress from me and Bunny. Things are less “if”, and more “when.” Long-term isn’t just feasible, but likely. And it really eases her into knowing that I’m in it for the long haul. In a way, I think the long distance has brought that out. Because I don’t always get to see her, we really have to work to build our relationship, which just makes it feel more valuable, more invested. And our relationship is thriving, not just surviving. The time and distance puts things in an unusual perspective, a longer perspective. It makes handling the distance, both physical and temporal, much easier.