My name is Zoe Hanis and I am polyamorous. I was recently invited to a…
Browsing: unicorn
Anne and I had a date with a single lady, a unicorn if you will. We had been trying to have a date with her for a while, but for one reason or another things kept getting in the way. We have played with her at parties before, but we have never really had a date with her. I still hold to our stance of not looking for single men or single women. Single women are in too much demand and single men are in too much supply. Both of those things bring about there own issues that make us not want to actively look for them. If they happen to cross our path and click with us, that is cool, but we aren’t seeking either.
I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about why couples are so appealing to me. The first thing I need to put out there is that it’s not the sex. Threesomes are lovely, don’t get me wrong. But I don’t have a particular yearning for a threesome over one-on-one sex, and historically I have not found them more satisfying. So that comment is out of the way.
I am always very careful about condom use. Always. It has been that way ever since I started using them. I suspect that is a product of my sex education from the 90’s during when AIDS was very scary (well it still is scary). So, usually I am hyper aware of the condom situation. I check it often make sure it is all good and what not.
Dating is complicated when you already have multiple partners. People have this vision of poly people as having a free-wheeling lifestyle where they date anybody they choose and pick up new partners at the drop of a hat. I’m sure some poly people do that, but it seems to be rare. My experience is that dating people in stable poly relationships is more like dating someone in a traditional Greek or Italian family — all the extended family has to meet you and gets a say in whether the relationship is a good idea.
The prompt for this post was a misunderstanding between myself and a local member of the sex-positive community. He posted a status update on a social networking site stating that he was “seek[ing] bisexual, poly switch. Must be decisive, consistent and not fear commitment.” I re-posted his statement on my Twitter account, thinking to myself, “Wow. That actually sounds a whole lot like what I’m looking for.” I was surprised to see words that I found so very apt coming out of someone else’s mouth – or, I suppose, fingers. I was pleased and impressed.
I’m approaching the end of my first year in the Lifestyle and have lately been thinking about what I’ve learned along the way.
I have to confess that my motivation for giving this a try was purely physical. I’m a single, 40+ woman with the sex drive of a teenage boy. I just wasn’t getting laid often enough. I’d like to be able to say that’s changed, but frequency – or rather infrequency – has been one of my greatest disappointments about the Lifestyle.
They’re certainly not in the same category as life’s big questions, but the Lifestyle and my eagerness for sexual exploration have presented me with some new issues to ponder. They sort of drift through at random when I’m stopped at a traffic light or staring into space over a hot chai.
WANTED: Male partner in crime with a sharp mind, sound body and tarnished soul for sexual exploration and debauchery. You must be strong willed, enjoy the rush of intensity and expect both from your partner. I’m seeking a man strong enough to take me, but secure enough to be taken. Dependability will be rewarded with the trust needed to push boundaries. I’m a challenge. Are you up for it?
Moving a bit like the some of the Duval Street denizens I spotted during Halloween…