From an outsider’s perspective, we probably seem like the ideal couple to start swinging. Mid 30s, married, physically fit, attractive, fun loving. But beyond that, we’d always hung on the outskirts of “normal”, even before we met. I’d had my share of bisexual experiences, while he was an exhibitionist/nudist of sorts. We’d even actually met naked, at Hedonism III in Jamaica! He was there as a single man, while I was there with a girlfriend. It would seem as though swinging was meant to be, just a natural progression of sorts.
A few years later, we found ourselves married and living in Las Vegas. As all of our friends and family were back East, and we found ourselves spending a lot of time together. A lot. While lovely at first, we started to get a little tired of spending our weekends just going out to eat and coming home and watching chick flicks. We reminisced about Hedo, talked about my bisexuality, and decided we needed to find some open minded friends to hang out with. After a few misguided searches (hello Craig’s List!), we stumbled upon a few lifestyle websites and decided to check out some of the parties. At that time, we never really contemplated swinging, per se- we just wanted to get out of the house, meet some fun people, and hopefully make some friends.
We started going to a few meet & greets and parties, more for the socialization than anything else. I enjoyed the flirting, meeting new people, dressing in my sexy outfits, while my husband enjoyed talking and socializing. Once it was time for the after party, though, we’d head home. However, I started getting more and more curious about what actually went on at the after parties. My husband was less inquisitive. “It’s just people up there having sex,” he protested. “Why would you want to go see that?” “I don’t know…I just think it would be interesting. It could be sexy. Maybe I could be with another woman again there? Or maybe more?” After a few more conversations, he finally relented. I couldn’t understand why he wouldn’t want to at least check it out.
The first few after parties were a mix of awkwardness and titillation. Everyone went back to a hotel suite, where the women changed into lingerie, danced, everyone flirted, and couples would gradually wander back into the bedroom areas and start having various levels of sex. My husband, ever the nudist, found that getting at least partially naked was encouraged, and embraced that side of things, eventually getting a reputation as “Naked Guy.” I was able to make out with girls, and we gradually started making a few friends that we started hanging out with outside of the parties. We even went to an on-premises club one night, and again, although we did not play with other couples, we had a great time dancing, drinking, and hanging out in the hot tub. We started to become semi-regulars at the various parties and events and gained a circle of amazing friends. We posted pictures, read the websites, browsed the forums, and looked at profiles and photos. Still, the most that ever happened at any of these parties was girl-play for me. I wanted more. My husband didn’t. Watching the couples (and singles) go into the various rooms, watching the women and men gain so much sexual pleasure from their exploits, hearing the stories, seeing husbands and wives take delight in the enjoyment of their partners, it was something I wanted to experience too.
My husband didn’t share my enthusiasm. “Why would you want to be with someone else?” “Why would you want to see me with someone else?” I found it hard to articulate why. Somehow, “I think it would be hot” didn’t seem to cut it with him. I tried to emphasize that it wasn’t because I was unhappy or dissatisfied with him, but because I was attracted to the newness, the excitement, the thrill of it all. I was curious about what it would be like with someone else; how I would feel seeing him with someone else. And I wondered, “Why doesn’t he want this?” Any other man, I thought, would love this idea. Getting to be with another woman while seeing me enjoy myself too.
From everything I read, it seemed like in most cases where the couple wasn’t totally in agreement about swinging was because the woman was reluctant, not the man. What was wrong with us? What was wrong with him? He didn’t even like the idea of admitting that we were, on some level, “in the Lifestyle.” Whenever someone inquired at a party or event, he’d always qualify it by saying, “we’re not really swingers or anything…we don’t do any of that hard core stuff.” I found myself chiding him about that, reminding him that sounded rather insensitive and borderline judgmental, all the while hoping that maybe, one day, we’d “graduate” to some of that “hard core stuff.”
Despite my husband’s reluctance, we still inched forward in our Lifestyle adventures. Somehow, we found ourselves not only at parties in public-ish venues, but private parties, house parties, small gatherings. He became friendlier, less likely to shy away when women showed him attention and affection, and received some oral stimulation on a few occasions. He became freer with me as well, not becoming as tense when men as well as women were a little more physical with me, and we even discussed the possibility of me being with another man while in bed together after a particularly fun party. We had our setbacks, though. One evening at an on-premises club, he got a little too drunk and went further with a woman than he felt comfortable, and I was in a situation, that while innocent, looked pretty bad to him. So we talked. Talking…that’s probably the greatest benefit this Lifestyle has had to us; it increased our communication, even about things that weren’t always easy. Looking back, I guess we achieved what we initially set out to do: to meet people, have fun, and become part of a wonderful group of open-minded friends.
Maybe we won’t move any further. Regardless, we’d found a spot that suited us for now…even if he doesn’t want to accept that we are swingers!