Author: Devin Kent

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Devin has navigated her way through the lifestyle as both a married and single woman. She seeks to quiet the slut-shaming voices in her head, be present in the moment, and push her boundaries, all in the throes of friendship, community, relationships, and love... With a little submission for good measure.

So, I’ve returned from yet another Lifestyle takeover event as a unicorn. This time, yes, my friends were there, and although I didn’t meet too many new people, I mostly managed to find a good balance between roaming solo and hanging with my “crew.” I had a good time, not an amazing one, but that is due to no one but myself- my head and heart weren’t entirely into it, as I had expected to attend this event with a date, and I was still feeling bruised from being “ghosted” by him. (See “Negative, Ghost Rider”). Nonetheless, I persevered and…

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According to Urban Dictionary, “Ghosting” is defined as: The act of suddenly ceasing all communication with someone the subject is dating, but no longer wishes to date. This is done in hopes that the ghostee will just “get the hint” and leave the subject alone, as opposed to the subject simply telling them he/she is no longer interested. Ghosting is not specific to a certain gender and is closely related to the subject’s maturity and communication skills. Many attempt to justify ghosting as a way to cease dating the ghostee without hurting their feelings but it, in fact, proves the subject…

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Maybe I’m just naive, overly trusting, or look at the Lifestyle through rose-colored glasses, but I didn’t think that in my unicorn chronicles, I’d have to deal with too much dishonesty in the LS. I mean, we are all adults, and ones who have, for whatever reason, decided to participate in activities and join a community that is built on open communication and honesty with your partners, lovers, and significant (or even not-so-significant) others.That was one of the hallmarks of the LS, and one of the reasons (I thought) that many, if not most of us, decided to go down…

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Well, I’m back to unicorn status. Some days, I don’t mind it too much, but I definitely still am looking for my “Stallion”- my partner in all of this who values me more than the LS. OSI continues to flirt with me, seeking my attention, which while I appreciate, I can’t stand idly by while he vacillates between whether he made the right decision by going back to his vanilla ex-girlfriend or still wants to pursue things with me. But, again, we are on friendly terms, and I don’t begrudge his happiness, even though the whole thing mildly annoyed me…

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Maybe I’m not cut out for this unicorn dating life after all. After just a couple of months of seeing the Out of State Interest (OSI), it appears that our situation has come to an end. Shit. This ending did not come with the feelings of dissatisfaction that PS brought, but instead, came with my hurt feelings and a bruised ego. Short story, he ran into his ex-girlfriend while out and about somewhere, they started talking, old feelings resurfaced, and they decided to give it another shot. Where does that leave me? Out in the cold, with a “we can…

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Aside from my initial experiences as a unicorn (see “The Reluctant Unicorn”), I hadn’t really pondered much about the overall perception of single people in the Lifestyle. I’d always assumed that unicorn = good while single guys (whether they are called stallions, stags, or Bulls)= bad. Of course, these are blatant generalizations, but I assumed that most people felt the same. I recently learned that my perceptions were incorrect. I always heard (and mostly believed) that single guys in the lifestyle were generally frowned upon for a number of reasons. They were seen as pushy, aggressive, creepy, and disrespectful. Usually…

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I’ve discovered, time and time again, that the lifestyle, no matter where you are located, is very small. People know each other, or at least know of each other, through mutual friends, friends of friends, playmates, pillow talk, gossip, and rumors. Besides the various websites, there has been an explosion of lifestyle events, parties, and “takeovers” in recent years, with more people willing to travel to attend them. That coupled with the advent of “secret” lifestyle groups on Facebook and the like, lend to more easily made connections, friendships, and the sharing of naked pictures with larger groups of like-minded people. The opportunities for meeting (and playing) have…

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It’s been a few weeks since I stopped seeing the Potential Stallion (PS) and I’m in a very good place. He and I have settled into being vague text buddies, with no real hard feelings or awkwardness between us. After the first few days apart, I didn’t even miss him much, and although I still occasionally felt twinges of disappointment that things didn’t work out, I know that ending things was the right choice to protect my heart and my sanity. It wasn’t as if I’d been living a life of celibacy and solitude since then, either. I’d gone on…

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This is hard. I’ve had some good times with the Potential Stallion (PS), but I also know, and have seen time and time again through our interactions, that this might not be the right situation for me. I’m too heady, I want to be valued and be a priority, he’s just interested in having fun and “experiences,” especially in the LS, without the care and consideration for me that I want, and frankly that I deserve. I felt more and more like his golden ticket than anything else, and that was not sitting right with me. Everyone I’d spoken with…

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Taking one for the team… Being a sacrificial lamb. Supposedly no one does it, at least outwardly they say they don’t, but it seems to be one of those dirty little lifestyle secrets that happens more commonly than I’d think. Maybe it is not a regular occurrence with every couple or individual, but it certainly happens. The four-way connection definitely can be elusive- and sometimes more elusive than finding a unicorn, in my opinion. Often, one person (or two or three, maybe even all four), will walk away from an experience feeling less than stellar about it and like they…

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