So we all know you love ethical non-monogamy for its mystique, for the cool factor. You’re THAT friend, the one who’s open-minded, ready for anything, always up for sexy fun. You have a cache of the latest and greatest sex toys and smirk at your vanilla friends’ reluctance to shop for such scandalous accoutrements.
Well, Swingsetters, our exclusive, enigmatic club will soon be flooded with the timid masses. The specialty electronics retailer, Brookstone, has begun carrying the oh so elegant and admired LELO products. Yes, you read that right, LELO, as in (shhhhh….don’t say it too loud) VIBRATORS! Oh, I’m sorry, I mean personal and intimate massagers.
No longer do people have to be in the know by being card carrying Swingsetters browsing the site or listening to the podcast to be exposed to retailers such as the Smitten Kitten, Adam and Eve or other sex-positive sex toy sources.
Now all they need to do is shop at Brookstone online. No more “plain brown paper packaging” needed. Your UPS driver would not be suspect of a Brookstone purchase. Oh no. Although it does crush one of my personal fantasies of the hottie UPS driver bringing my plain brown paper wrapped package to the door, looking into my eyes and saying, “Is there any way I can be of further assistance?”
The Brookstone online store is also helpful with its banner declaring “Great for Grads!” Indeed! College can be stressful. Let’s send all those grads away in the fall armed to relax a bit.
Where it will get more interesting is in the store. All those vanillas strolling through the local mall, stopping into Brookstone for a new alarm clock will end up getting waylaid by the new personal massaging merchandise given their previously self-sheltered lives.
The “About Brookstone” web page expounds about what really sets them apart: “From the start Brookstone created a fun, interactive shopping experience. At our stores customers are encouraged to try products out for true, hands-on shopping. Every visit to Brookstone is an opportunity to discover new and ingenious items of superior quality—all in a friendly environment of Customer Care and integrity that simply can’t be found anywhere else. “
Wow! That sounds like an improved trip to the mall, especially paired with their commitment to Customer Service: “What makes it all happen at Brookstone are the hundreds of associates (our employees), who apply their skills and energies toward consistently improving the way we serve our customers. “
So there it is, hotties, the demise of our crazy, sexy, cool factor as Swingsetters. I’m sorry to be the bearer of the news. Mainstream America has embraced sex toys! Before you know it we’ll have play parties will be sponsored by Starbucks. Of course, a well-timed shot of espresso can work wonders.