Rules Revisited and Reconciliations – Communicating in Swinging

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In the week or so since we hit a pothole on the road to Swingtown, I have done a lot of contemplating and taking in the issue that occurred. The main thing I know is that no one is at fault here (well technically both Anne and I are at fault), but that fault is shared between us. Miscommunication was at the heart of the problem. We both agreed to something, but we were not clear at all as to what it was we were agreeing to. Thus, Anne assumed everything was cool and, well, it wasn’t.

Knowing that this all happened due to miscommunication helped, but that alone didn’t restore the trust that had been shaken that night. We talked a lot about this what happened. Anne was upset that I was upset. She was not upset about what she did and I give her credit for her honesty in this case. It would have been easier for her to simply say, “Yes, I was out of line and I apologize.” However, she didn’t and she wasn’t out of line. She was doing what she thought we agreed to. Anne’s honesty about not feeling bad about what she was doing actually helped restore some of the trust. I know she won’t hurt me on purpose and she will always be truthful with me.

I also had quite a long IM chat with Cooper. This was astoundingly helpful. I really had no one I could talk to about this. Only one other person knows that Anne and I are starting this and he doesn’t really get it. I would normally discuss something like this with Anne, but she was too close to the issue. I needed an outside view. Through my talk with Cooper, I reaffirmed what I already knew: miscommunication. He also suggested we talk about rules.

So, that is exactly what we did. Though honestly we really didn’t change much. We spoke the unspoken rule we had before of watching out for each other. We also agreed we need to be much more explicit in what we are asking each other and reaffirmed that all our prior rules still apply at parties.

Not everything at the party was bad. Anne and I met some new people. I learned some new tricks with some rope. Rope bondage is not something that is new to us, but I am only self taught. Now I had some fun new tricks. What better way for her to help rebuild my trust than to submit to me? It began simply. I ordered her to give me a blow job which she did well. After that we headed to the shower and I bade her to clean me. I had been to the gym and hadn’t yet showered, specifically to make her do it. Once she had me squeaky clean I got Anne tied up all fancy with my new tricks and bent her over my knee. I proceeded to spank her.

Smack.

“Have you been bad?”, I asked.

Smack.

“Umm, Yes”, Anne grunted.

Smack.

“What did you do?”

Smack.

“I can’t read your mind.”

Smack.

This continued on for a while. I was pushing the limits this time, spanking her harder than I think I ever had. I wanted to make her use the safe word. In the end I failed, she could endure and enjoy all that I needed to give her. This obviously lead into some quite hot sex. Once exhausted and satisfied we added a rule that dominant and submissive roles were something that we only did with each other.

We are pretty much back to normal now. Anne and I did what was needed to overcome the stress this brought to our relationship: communication, revisiting the rules and quite an exciting evening that involved a lot of trust. It was a hard week, but in the end I think we have come out stronger because of it. And so with a new understanding of each other we will continue our trip down the road seeing, experiencing, and sharing all the pleasures and pitfalls we encounter along the way.

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An average suburbanite barely into his 30s, Jack has recently begun a more exciting secret sexy life with his wife, Anne. These experiences have led him to preach the gospel of sex positivity and safer sex to anyone who will listen.

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       In the first sentence, there’s a link to the previous blog post that talks about this…take a deeep breath.

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