When the idea of involving other people in our sex lives came up (just a few months ago, actually) I didn’t quite know what to think. It caught me by surprise. Honestly, I was intimidated and my old-fashioned up bringing was nagging at me from within. I’d grown up in a very Christian, very nonsexual environment. I was constantly bombarded with scriptures condemning sex before marriage and other sexual “perversions”. Sex was for your spouse alone, but even then it isn’t talked about as something that is fun and pleasurable.
To think that I could possibly be deviant and kinky was unfathomable (and a little exciting) to me. It had taken me forever to even get used to the idea of using sex toys with my own husband! (But, boy was I happy when I did…)
How did threesomes and swinging come up? Did we have a broken marriage that needed to be fixed? Bad sex? Were we bored? No, no, and No. We were both happy with our marriage and life together. We have the same sense of humor, interests, goals, and desires. Not to mention that there is rarely a time when I don't have at least two orgasms during sex. We were happy!
It all started one weekend when we were sort of propositioned for a threesome, I think. We’re not quite sure, but we're almost certain that's what happened. We met a single girl who spent the whole day with us. She went on and on about her adventurous sex life, her sexual escapades with co-workers, how she thinks she was in love with a girl for the first time, how she’d been propositioned for threesomes before, and how it turned out. She even told us exactly how couples usually approach her. Was she blatantly giving us directions? I'd never met someone as open and matter-of-fact as she was about sex and relationships. It was intriguing. We were too inexperienced to really pick up on her hints and act on them. But, the experience did start wheels turning in my head. It lead to some interesting conversations between Mr. Softy and me.
First of all, you have to know something about me. I’m not good at talking about intimate things (although I've gotten a lot better). I don’t like dirty talk and I’m not a fan of discussing sex in graphic detail. The word cum gives me the creeps. I have had a very vanilla, albeit very satisfying, sex life up until now. So, engaging in a conversation about very sexually intimate was very of hard and embarrassing for me. Mr. S had to be determined and every patient to get anything out of me.
I cringed at questions like: Are you interested in a threesome? Are you attracted to women? How far would you want to go with a woman? What do you like about women? What about with a man? Are you okay with seeing Mr. S and another woman? Does that turn you on? What else gets you excited? I clammed up and could barely answer the most innocent of questions. Instead, I yelled a lot. I fought with Mr. S and blamed him for pushing me too hard.
After I relaxed a little, I took some time to think about these questions and figure things out in my own head. After getting used to thinking of myself in more sexual terms, I could handle the questions more easily. I had to wrap my head around the idea of being okay with a not-so-monogamous marriage. When I thought everything through and really analyzed what I believed, I realized I was quite liberal. I didn't think swinging was wrong or a sign of a bad marriage. I viewed it more as an intense sexual experience that a couple wants to share together. I Finally got used to the idea of a threesome…or more…
I began picturing myself with women. Did I like it? I think so…yes, quite a bit. Did I have these desires before, but tried not to think about or act on them? Well, now that I think about it… Did I think it would be fun kissing (and touching and playing with) another person? Umm, yeah. Would I like the sexual atmosphere of a group? Absolutely. Did the idea of seeing others having sex and interacting with them turn me on? Look at that, I am pretty turned on! Would Mr. S get a lot of enjoyment out of seeing and participating in this kind of thing? Definitely! Would our sex life explode because of this? Undoubtedly. Okay, so now what?
Not much, really. We had our answer but were unable to act on it for while. The idea spiced up our own sex lives a TON. I could not believe how passionate we seemed to be, how excited we were. It was (and still is) great! Mr. Softy finally dragged me kicking and screaming into important conversations about rules, boundaries, and interests. I got much more comfortable discussing my fantasies and turn-ons. I was absolutely on board when we had our first swinging experience. It wasn’t even a threesome. We headed straight for a group room at a sex club in Miami. We had a great time and haven't looked back!