We met couple “Mr. and Mrs. Hardcore” at a swanky, upscale bar after dinner. Over cucumber mojitos and gourmet lemon drops drinks,we got to know each other. Within five minutes of talking we learned that both Mr. and Ms. Hardcore had what they called “fuck buddies.” The deal they had was that each could go off and have sex with their fuck buddy separate from their partner. The one rule is “no drama.” It’s only about sex. If any emotional ties develop then they end the relationship.
Selection of fuck buddies is difficult, they explained. They need to find people with full lives themselves so that they aren’t harassed or hassled by these people. They don’t want their fuck buddies making a “booty call” at 2 in the morning for example, or texting at all hours. Age is an issue as well. If they are too young, they are immature, flighty, and emotionally unstable.
Mrs. Hardcore had a clear explanation for why she wanted a fuck buddy. And in its own way it made sense to me. She is interested in domination. She does not want to be submissive to her husband. It doesn’t work, she just gets mad at him and he also does not want to hurt her. He won’t smack her hard enough, for example. She also likes to dominate others—and not her husband. And she finds that another guy usually doesn’t want Mr. T in the room when Ms. S is making him whimper. So she needs to do her S and M in a space separate from Mr. Hardcore. I didn’t get the whole story but I get the impression that it needs to be quid pro quo. So if his wife has her S and M needs, he’ll take the opportunity to go and fuck a beautiful woman for variety. And Ms. Hardcore is pleased with his conquests.
Mr. Doubleplay and I are not interested in this type of arrangement. I don't want to write “ever” as I’m learning that our preferences and interest change in the Lifestyle. So I will never say “never” any more. But for us the lifestyle is about experiencing wild, crazy fun TOGETHER. The closest we ever came to anything separate was once when I was on a business trip in Atlanta. I ran into a lifestyle couple from back home. Needless to say we were ALL surprised. And it was much fun calling Mr. Doubleplay and having him try to guess who I was flirting with so far away on a business trip. We debated setting up a webcam so that he could watch our fun. But instead we made plans to all meet up a few months later back home.
I wonder how often the separate “fuck buddy” plan leads to instability or divorce in marriages. Or if actually the “fuck buddy” plan keep marriages together that might otherwise divorce. Is it analagous to “polyamorous” or is it different? To me, it seems like it would require an enormous amount of communication and trust. Mr. Doubleplay and I have a very strong relationship. But I wouldn’t even want to risk the possible instability that separate fuck buddies could cause.
I suppose others would think, though, that any kind of swinging could lead to jealousy. We have never felt that. It’s a team effort. We enter any experience as a partnership. Anything that happens to us occurs when we are within arm’s reach of one another. And all based on mutual agreement and communication.
In our experiences, the separate fuck buddies or fucking in separate rooms is rare. Or perhaps this type of swinger has different social circles within the parties we attend or sets up other types of arrangements for setting up their plans.
Perhaps we’ll never know?