Be a Beacon


I've been thinking a lot about love and hope and joy lately. Which is interesting in dark times like this. But in such darkness we need love, hope and joy all the more.

When Dylan and I started Life on the Swingset we modeled it off of the sadly now defunct Sex is Fun! hosted by Kidder Kaper.

That show's title said all. In a world where we talk about sex as dirty or evil, where so much conflict, even full wars are fought over sex, we must remember that Sex IS Fun. Because fun is what allows us to push at the boundaries of our narrow world and grow.

I've said before that the single most important decision I ever made was to open up. That has lead to so many greater truths about who I am & how I move through the world. It has taught me greater empathy & understanding, recognition of similarities and differences in all people.

But of all the things it has taught me, none is more important than the value of love.

“Love is at the root at everything, all learning, all relationships, love or the lack of it.” – Fred Rogers

As darkness crashes down upon us from every direction, at every moment, from every system designed by our founders to protect us, we need hope and love more than we ever have.

We wander through the darkness, lashing out at one another because everything is awful so we may as well be too. Some things we say are true, many are just a result of the pain of being human in an inhumane time.

Ever since #SSDesire last year, since I spent that time in a cradle of love and acceptance and joy and support, I want nothing more than to spread this gospel.

We, the scared, the tired, the compassionate, the empathetic, the gay, the queer, the bi, the trans, the asexual, the pansexual, the omnisexual, the straight, the curious, the tops, the bottoms, the Doms, the subs.

We are so much more alike than we are different. And we share a common enemy. The status quo. The prejudice of tyranny. The notion that sex SHOULD NOT be fun. That STIs are punishment. That carrying a pregnancy you don't want is punishment for your audacity to fuck.

But we need that audacity. I'm not a “Love one another regardless of how they treat you” person. I'm happy to give a big high fuck you in your awful face to the nazis and the racists and the corrupt cops, politicians, ICE agents, fascists, and those supporting fascists.

But “love one another” is important, has value. I have value. You have value. You are deserving of love. You are deserving of respect. You are deserving of joy. Even when all is dark around us, we must be the light. For ourselves and for each other.

It is so easy (as I demonstrate time and time again) to fall into the darkness and negativity. To believe that all hope is lost. But as a hobbit once said, “There is good in this world, and it's worth fighting for.”

Not all of us can stand on the front lines, not all of us can be visibly who we truly are. But we can love. We can demonstrate love, affection, compassion, sex. We can live.

There is nothing the right, the straights, want more than to keep us, the aberrants, the perverts, the libertines, the dirty ones fighting. Because as we fight, they fight too, and they are all against us. We stand together or we die alone.

And the best way we can start standing together is to light that beacon of hope and joy and love. Because when the beacons start to light, we will push back the darkness.

Always remember, the difference between us and them, is we want everybody who is not bringing harm to anyone else, to experience whatever their joy is. That not bringing harm part is the key.

They will ask, “if you can discriminate against me for my feelings about you, why can't I discriminate against you?” The argument falls apart for the simple reason that intolerance of intolerance is not intolerance. We are the side that wants people to have more, not less.

So take your moment. Share your love. With anybody and everybody. Because love is not only for romantic relationships. Love is for all those you share your life with, be it friendly, romantic, sexual, playful, or the simplest interactions in your daily life.

I love you all. I love those of you who try, whether you feel you are succeeding or not. I love those who live their truths.

I will continue to try to live mine.

Be a beacon.


About Author


About Cooper Cooper S. Beckett is the co-founder and host of Life on the Swingset: The Podcast since 2010, author of swinging & polyamory novels A Life Less Monogamous and Approaching The Swingularity, and memoir My Life on the Swingset: Adventures in Swinging & Polyamory. He teaches and speaks on swinging, polyamory, pegging, play parties, and coloring outside the boundaries of your sexuality. He is a graphic & web designer, photographer, and voice over artist, has been a guest expert on Dan Savage’s Savage Lovecast, & is the announcer of Tristan Taormino’s radio show Sex Out Loud. He is currently working on two instructional non-fiction books, one about beginning non-monogamy, and another about pegging.


  1. Avatar

    I miss Sex is Fun. I miss the cast. I miss the info but also how it was like being privy to a group of friends hanging out.

    I also love the stance. <3 Love everyone, but stand up against

  2. Avatar

    Thank you. I cannot tell you how much I needed to read this. It was sent to me by another. I’ve never been on here before. They said, “hey, you need to read this. He reminds me of you.” I literally cried while reading it. Thank you.

Leave A Reply