This year at Swingset Takes Over Desire wasn't the endless hedonistic revel it has been for the past 2 years. I didn't understand it at the time but I was in the midst of a fairly severe depression that flattened my pleasure and increased my sensitivity to rejection. I came home from the trip feeling worse than I had in ages and even less connected to my partners, rather than the increased closeness I'd been seeking going in. This unhappiness was one of the indicators that finally led me to take steps to treat something that wasn't getting better on its own.
Despite the very real challenges I battled during the week, I did have some shining moments. Now that I'm in a better headspace to look back, I'm able to explore them and share them here.
Sybian Take 2
My first and only Sybian ride was fun but not spectacular so I hadn't been that motivated to try again until I climbed the steps to Hot Tub Happy Hour one afternoon to find Peach and Mal with theirs set up on one of the nearby beds. It was even unoccupied, as if they'd been waiting there specifically for me to arrive. It seemed foolish to turn down an opportunity to try it again, and when Peach offered to make out with me as she held me up while I rode, it was a done deal.
Kneeling on the bed was a much more comfortable position than on the tile floor, even with towels padding my knees, but it never would have occurred to me to use it that way. Having someone to lean against was another thing I didn't know I needed until it was there as I didn't have to hold myself up and I was able to dive deep into the sensations. Mal was an expert at the controls and he knows my pleasure sounds well enough to be able to read me and tweak the settings to maximum pleasure.
Flick nestled up close behind me and stroked and bit me in all the right ways and the rise and fall of voices around us added vastly to the experience. That I was both a person to watch as I moaned and gasped in ecstatic bliss and at the same time, just another sexy tableau happening around the edges of the hot tub ramped me up so much. When I finally tapped out after several shuddering orgasms, I'd changed my opinion on the Sybian, though I still think I'd only use when people who really know what they're doing are operating it.
I've discovered that one of the ways that I have orgasms untouched is when I hear or see someone else have an orgasm. I was lying on top of Will on one of the hot tub beds making out, just beginning to get into our sexy groove when the woman in the bed next to us had a beautiful, loud orgasm. I shuddered and splooshed all over him, having my first orgasm of the night before he'd even touched my pussy.
Glow Stick Kerplunk
We managed to get all the lights turned off in the hot tub area one night so we could see the sky better. Someone had brought a big pile of glow sticks up to the tub and we spread them around to create a little light. My metamour Daisy's husband decided to decorate her lovely bosom with glow sticks and it turned into a game of people weaving more and more into the design until it became fairly precarious.
I took it upon myself (with Daisy's permission, of course) to take it apart with my mouth stick by stick so as not to collapse the structure. She and I have never shared sexytimes together and it was a very lovely intimate moment with her as I brushed her skin with my lips while seeking the plastic rods. We were surrounded by people but the world shrunk down to just the two of us for a while and when I'd successfully dismantled the glow sculpture without collapsing it, we shared a soft and sexy kiss. It was a good reminder that intimacy doesn't have to be about raging lust (though I'm a big fan of that kind too).
I had several people ask shyly (and others not so shyly) for me to sign their copies of my book Yelling In Pasties: The Wet Coast Confessions of an Anxious Slut. I felt a sense of pleasure and pride–and a healthy serving of imposter syndrome–as I scribbled in their books. It was also very cool and somewhat surreal to walk past beds by the pool or beach and see it in the wild, to know that people had chosen to bring my words with them on their trip.
One of the best things about the all-women orgies we throw at Desire is getting to see people stepping out of their safety zones to try new things. We had a quick Welcome Circle before getting started and several attendees said they'd likely only watch. Within 30 minutes, I saw them surrounded by multiple women, trying toys and having orgasms in new and exciting ways.
A lovely lady was interested in going down on another woman for the first time and as the giver I am, how could I refuse to help her out? I explained that at any time if she wanted to stop–if she didn't like it, if she didn't like it with me–she could absolutely do so and I wouldn't be offended. She was incredibly timid at first but once she got into it she ended up getting me off several times and left the event feeling pleased with herself. I love getting to be someone's gateway slut.
I also got to connect with a woman who'd caught my attention last year with her epic strap-on prowess. She shagged me legless and when I was able to move again, I used a combination of toys and fingers to return the favour. Being surrounded by so many incredible women who were pleasuring each other or getting pleasured or watching/assisting (shout out to Josie who let me use her shoulder as a leg rest) just made the experience all the more incredible.
After an incredibly complicated emotional day, I wasn't sure I was interested in attending the BDSM dungeon night until I found out that Ophilia was going to be one of the Service Tops at the event. She and I chatted and she agreed to top me in a scene and before I knew it, I was cuffed to a St. Andrew's cross and a gorgeous woman in a vinyl catsuit was flogging my ass while a room full of people watched and multiple other scenes took place around us.
She alternated between her favourite leather flogger and my favourite rubber petal flogger as well as biting me in the exact way she knows turns me to liquid. I lost myself in the sensations and all the various sounds of thuds and moans around me. It was entirely too soon that we were given our 3 minute warning to finish up so others could use the equipment. Her final bites put me over the edge and I was still experiencing orgasmic aftershocks as I tried to step off the apparatus. I had to pause for a beat with Ophilia and the stunningly beautiful Pixie holding me up so I could finish my orgasms with a towel beneath me. I was then led to the aftercare room where Flick and O looked after me with water and snacks and then engulfed me with cuddles until I was ready to return to reality.
It's good to look back in detail to see that despite the darkness that was present, I had some very pleasurable and even joyous moments on the trip. Swingset Takes Over Desire is truly is an incredible experience and I hope someday to return and overwrite the difficult memories with a whole lot more sexy fun.