Ask A Swinger: He’s Hot For Her, She’s Not For Him

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Hey, sexies…Ginger here. A Swingset reader asks a question about the ever-present scenario of uneven chemistry and attraction. If you are in an open relationship looking for couple lovers long enough, you have encountered this tricky scenario. We'd love to hear from all of you seasoned swingers about how you have handled it.

Anyway, my wife and I just started discussing swinging.  We've been to two meet and greets…one was at a vanilla bar where there was no hanky panky.  The second one was at a hotel room where we saw plenty of fucking.  We didn't participate but ended up talking to several people.  When we get really serious about it and attend more parties how do we handle this situation:  I end up finding the other female attractive but my wife does not find the male attractive.  If the other female is willing to play with me, can my wife decline to play with the male?

First of all, welcome to the Swingset! Sounds like you have had a fun, sexy time so far. I hope you continue to enjoy!

I have two answers for this common question and each depend on the answer to whether or not you and your partner have negotiated ahead of time whether you play separately, meaning do each of you engage sexually with others without the other present. If indeed you do, and you discover that other other couple does as well, there is certainly potential for the four of you to have a conversation and arrange for you and the female of the other couple to play or for you to have the sexy opportunity to be the third for their threesome experience. I encourage all four of you to negotiate the sexy scenario, so everyone feels comfortable and at ease that everyone knows the rules for the delicious encounter you are arranging.

If, however, you and your partner don't play separately or haven't negotiated it ahead of time, I would suggest that friendly flirting is fun, but that you refrain from any physical playing. Of course, no one should ever “take one for the team” or play with someone to whom they are not attracted simply so their partner can be sexual with someone.

Although it may feel like you are missing out on an opportunity, I guarantee other couples will come along with whom you have four-way chemistry. It will be so hot it will be WELL worth the wait! Have fun, sexies!

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Ginger

As an oversexed, omnisexual castaway from the sexually-repressed culture, Ginger believes the next sexual revolution of total sex-positivity is just around the corner and it’s time for the revolutionaries to unite! Be her friend on Facebook - Follow her on Twitter

3 Comments

  1. Avatar

    A lot of couples put on their swinger dating profiles that they “don’t play alone,” but once you meet in person and talk with them and realize who has chemistry with whom, some of these couples might be more open to other arrangements.

    I think most couples don’t want to put “swing alone” on their profile because it attracts a lot of single guys/couples going after the female. People usually want to at least meet in person first.

  2. Avatar

    Often the female of a couple is bi and the couple is really looking for a 2nd female for a threesome. Unicorns being hard to find, couples often say they are looking for another couple when, in fact, they intend to try to cut the other male out (i.e., “Sorry, my wife doesn’t find you attractive; but the two of us will play with your wife!” No, they don’t say this, but that is the attitude). In other words bait (looking for another couple) and switch (we only find her attractive).

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