GPSC 012: Dating While Femme and Spoilers! – The Gentleperverts’ Social Club


Hello Perverts! We discuss online dating while femme with Flick, Kat, and Lola. We also fielded a light bulb filled response to our episode on Trigger Warnings from Nobilis Reed.

Online Dating While Femme

We discuss why men behave badly while trying to date women, including name calling, shaming, negging, as we try to figure out… what the hell is the expected return on messages like that? Are men just trying to keep women in line for the next man? Why can’t men take rejection gracefully? What do you do with “nice guys” when they just don’t know any better, can they be socialized into changing? While we briefly consider that public shaming can sometimes be a powerful tool we approach online discussions and how men can back women up when discussions start to go wrong.

You can find WetCoastCat at and on twitter @wetcoastkat. You can find Flick on twitter @seriousFLICK. You can find DirtyLola and her podcast, Sex Ed A. Go Go at and find her on twitter @DirtyLola.


Trigger Warnings and Spoilers

Nobilis Reed and D Dog discuss trigger warnings after making a connection between the the function of trigger warnings and the effort to limit movie spoilers.

Nobilis Reed is the creator and host of the best speculative fiction erotica podcast in the known universe. He’s also an author, anthology editor, and self-avowed social justice cleric. His podcast can be found at and you can find him on twitter @nobilis.



All this was recorded at the Gentleperverts’ Social Club. You can find more Gentleperverts’ Social Club podcasts every month at and discuss our latest episodes and topics on twitter with @GentlePerverts and me @DylanTheThomas. You can find me, Dylan Thomas, on FacebookSpotify and Fetlife as DylanTheThomas. If you have a submission, a story, a signal boost request, or an idea for a topic send that over to me at If you like having this podcast, throw me a buck or two per episode at


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    Hey guys, I’m listening to the “dating while femme” podcast, and I’m going to weigh in. I am one of those guys who (thinks he) is a nice guy and gets riled up about the “no response is a polite response” thing. For background, I have not dated online as a single but my wife and I are non-monogamous, and I (mostly) manage our profiles on three swinger sites, we get messages from single guys, and kind of know how this goes. It sure sounds like you guys have internet dating PTSD. I am totally OK with ignoring rude messages. I have problems with the idea that no response is a POLITE response, and think that polite, appropriate messages should get a response even if you are not interested. How is anyone supposed to learn what the appropriate thing to do is if they get no feedback? The other thing I feel is OK is if you put info in your profile what your policy is. I also liked Lola’s comment that she would rather be a bitch by ignoring than be a bitch by turning guys down. I still don’t think that is awesome behavior, but at least she is owning it and not pretending that ignoring people is polite.

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    Just wanted to weigh in on the trigger warning in fiction topic.

    First, I am not a trigger warning sensitive person. Sometimes folks get carried away, and as was mentioned in the podcast, feel entitled to the ‘peanut butter used on bananas’ warning. Also, I agree that if before the TV show, it tells you there is moderate violence, you shouldn’t be surprised to see blood.

    Having said that, probably the two most disturbing things I have seen in recent memory showed up on two fictional TV shows- Outlander (a Showtime series) and The Magicians (a SyFy series).

    Now, if I had read the Outlander books I would have known how brutal the prison scenes at the end of last season were going to be.

    On The Magicians, there was a brutal rape scene almost out of the blue. They did have a helpline PSA at the end, but that was some time later and there was no warning that I saw up front. In fairness, I did watch it after the air date ‘on demand’ so there may have been something prior to the actual broadcast.

    Both were really viscerally shocking and uncomfortable.

    So, I guess the point is that I don’t think fiction should get a pass. Sometimes, I think it can be even more powerful than non-fiction in generating mental images and personal emotions.

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