Having your little soldier fail to come to attention at the worst possible moment is every man’s primary lifestyle nightmare. Before this crazy naked circus, it was almost inconceivable for me – I naturally assumed that my little guy would rise to any occasion because, seriously, having a lot of beautiful women wanting to fuck you is the greatest thing ever.
So when it did start happening the fear gripped me at first. Each new encounter was tainted by the creeping feeling that, at the moment of truth, I would falter and leave another disappointed lover in my wake. But it was happening intermittently enough, and not happening at all with the insatiable Mrs. Fox, that I was more confused than frustrated.
Thus the natural strategist in me set my sights on identifying the factors which caused it once and for all, in a vain, arrogant attempt to eliminate them so that I could just get on with all great sex that awaited me.
Exhaustion was an easy suspect to identify. I work a very active, physical job, sometimes going in as early as 5 AM. This means when the club opens at 8PM and it takes three hours of drinking, dancing, flirting, and conversation to get everyone into a room, the sex could be taking place nineteen hours after I woke up. And I work Saturdays, too, so if the above scenario takes place on a Friday night, I could be going into the club on its busiest night with only 4 hours of sleep.
Here’s the part where I cite an example to disprove the absolute power of exhaustion but it comes off as shameless bragging, which is in no way a desired side effect of blogging about swinging:
Rule out exhaustion as the sole factor, because of that one time where I was up 29 hours straight and still performed like a man half my age for three, count ‘em three different playmates at a hotel party. But hey, there have been nights where I was quite well rested but produced only a saggy, underwhelming performance when called upon by my partner.
So I learned that exhaustion could be one of many factors, and that any combination of those factors could result in a night of shame and regret. I set about to identify and minimalize every factor I could to statistically increase the odds of acceptable studliness. Not every one of the factors is applicable in every situation, and I can overcome many of them depending on the situation.
I’ve had trouble performing when my partner is too vocal in her coaching “Fuck that pussy! Fuck it!”, when I was too drunk, when I was stressed about money, when non-naked non participants are just hanging out at the play area discussing the big game, when my partner closes her eyes the entire time and gives off a “get it over with” vibe, when I encounter bad breath (alcohol and pussy are acceptable on your breath, those never seem to bother me), too much caffeine, too little food, exotic food eaten earlier in the night causing my tummy to rumble, too little caffeine, nipple and clit piercings (sometimes a woman can rock that look though).
What else? Oh yeah, biting! Nibble but don’t bite. When I sense my wife or her partner is getting frustrated, that can cause performance anxiety. Being disturbed in a semi- private room by anyone who is not supposed to be there, collapsing air mattresses, being way too overheated, being way too chilly, basement floor sex, last minute “no kissing” rules, the woman I’m on top of glaring angrily at her husband beside us while he’s getting ridden like a champ, women who fuck for a minute and then SQUIRREL are gone due to their own nervousness disguised by a distraction such as smoking, a charley horse, a cramp, a strange itch, a bug on the ceiling, the sudden feeling that the condom is slipping, and just the instant realization that even if I got it up, the sex was going to be mediocre at best.
So many things that can, at random times, really contribute to a lack of performance. Even when my desire for my partner feels strong, and even when there are no clear factors in play, it can still happen. Afterwards comes the shame, the disappointment in myself, beating myself up, the regret of not getting to fully explore and share with my partner.
Beyond that a realization : With no clear factors consistently causing my issues, and with performance anxiety happening randomly, a great deal of the battle was occurring in my own head. I resolved to, with each encounter, not stress about it. If it happens, oh well, I can still enjoy a lot of other intimate aspects with some of the ladies I meet. Most of them are understanding, and many of them are patient, and see their patience rewarded by a timely turn-around after just lying there naked together and touching and talking.
I can find so many aspects of women beautiful and so many little things they do can turn me on. Instead of focusing on the negative things that might cause performance anxiety, I now focus on the sexy, sensual aspects of my lovers, and let the night take its course. More often than not, I rise to the occasion.