Everyone has some kind of fantasy, some strong sexual desire that will get their blood boiling and enhance their pleasure.
We are highly developed animals and our minds need as much stimulation as our bodies, but we are often reluctant to share our fantasies with our partner due to overly puritanical social conventions and the fear that our partner might not find those things acceptable.
People should be able to experiment and trust their partners enough to get a bit kinky with them, but all that exciting and kinky stuff needs to be slowly and safely introduced in the bedroom.
Communicating with your partner
Before attempting to take your love life to freakier and more adventurous levels, it is important to have a relatively serious relationship, where mutual trust has already been established and you are able to share some of your deeper secrets and desires with your partner.
Some people will be naturally more adventurous and kinkier in the bedroom, but for some it may take a while before they can feel comfortable sharing their fantasies.
This is why you should try and get some feedback from your partner early on – some things will never have to be said because you can catch on based on how they respond to you during sex – so that you’ll know how far you can push your fantasies, and what sort of thing your partner would be into.
Having a safe word or simply telling your partner when to stop and bring things down a notch will help you keep everything safe.
When using things like ball gags it is very important to keep close attention to your partner and distinguish between moans of pleasure and painful moans.
Start light and find something you both enjoy
For most couples a little light bondage is a pretty safe and tame way to spice things up in the bedroom, and a good way to introduce dominance play, which is a huge turn on for a big chunk of the population.
Other tame ways to get your kink on include role playing with costumes, light spanking and introducing sex toys into the bedroom. These are just some things that everyone can get behind, so you don’t have to be embarrassed about bringing it up.
After a while you and your partner can raise the bar and take things a little further.
Once you are comfortable with some of the basic role playing and know how to indulge in some light S&M, dominance games and teasing safely, you’ll be able to talk to your partner more freely and find out just how far you can comfortably take things.
Remember, it’s about fulfilling each other’s fantasies and keeping everyone happy, so sometimes you will need to compromise and dedicate a night to one partner’s fantasies and then have another night where the other partner’s fantasies are the focus.
The right equipment
Being safe is all about having the right equipment and communicating with your partner during sex. Police cuffs and genuine leather whips (like the cat o’ nine tails that the British navy used) will injure your partner – so consider getting safe toys that both you and your partner will enjoy.
You should also consider preventing infection – glass dildos are smoother, easier to wash and less porous than rubber and plastic ones, thus having less of a chance to carry bacteria. Most people prefer body safe silicone dildos though, as they are safe, hypoallergenic and can be made to change the temperature to fit your needs.
Though, talking from experience, safewords should be a priority above all else. They can be used when either one of you feels too uncomfortable while playing. Later, when you get used to each other in your new roles, safewords may not even be necessary. I would also like to stress that a safeword may not be a word at all, it can be a non verbal signal that you both recognize as a “safeword”.
It’s all about having fun and bringing your pleasure to a whole new level, while staying safe and trying to satisfy your partner’s needs as well. If you both understand that, good times are guaranteed!