Newby Adventures – Do We Need a Screening Form?


Newby Adventures – Do We Need a Screening Form?I used to own my own business. Hiring people was always a challenge. There are so many flakes out there. People who didn’t show up to interviews. People who showed up late to interviews without calling and expect one the next day. People who when hired didn’t show up to work. People who you couldn’t count on to in fact do work. People who showed up late or erratically. People who quit with no notice and then later wanted their job back.

Does this sound like your search for like minded swingers?

In two months we have met up with 5 couples. Two were awesome experiences. One was acceptable, one mediocre, and one that we can only laugh about now. And this isn’t even counting the various people we’ve talked to in person at clubs and parties, or the total flakes with the seemingly endless chatting and texting.

Each of the actual swap experiences are their own stories but I kind of feel that those details should be kept private especially if the ones I like enough for repeats were to ever find out about me writing under this nom de plume. Well, maybe I’ll eventually write about the crappy and mediocre experiences.

Anyway, I am starting to think that I may need to implement the same screening technique that we eventually developed at our business. Basically the process that I eventually hit upon back then was to post the job on Craigslist and when people responded with interest I sent back a brief 10 question list with basic questions such as if you could pass a piss test, if you had any experience welding or driving a fork truck, and if you were willing to work 3rd shift. Seventy percent of the flaky people self selected and didn’t respond. Of the remaining thirty percent usually about half had unacceptable answers leaving only a couple to actually meet face to face and interview during any given hiring process.

In face to face interviews we could judge the remainder in a few minutes (ok really a few seconds but we’d spend about 20 minutes) to determine their suitability. After we implemented our questionnaire screen out process we actually increased our retention and great employees by four hundred percent.

So what would such screening questions include for the swinging screening process?

After discussion with Mr. Scarlet, for the ladies we want to know:

1)     What is your goal in swinging? One night stand, once a month fuck buddy, friends with benefits, polyamory, etc?  Again, the idea is to know up front if we are looking for the same thing.

2)     Do you always use condoms with non-partners? Seems self explanatory.

3)     Do you kiss? No kissing rules are a deal breaker for us.

4)     Who is in charge of your swinging decisions? Acceptable answers include she is or both of us. If the dude is and the woman is just placating him, that is not cool to us.

5)     How many times do you want to come and how long do you want to play before you’re tired? More and longer is better.  One and done is disappointing but at least give us a warning up front if this is just going to be seven minutes in heaven.

6)     Do you have any fetishes? Some are acceptable to us; some not so much such as only being able to orgasm by fisting or hardcore S&M.

I’m not sure what questions to ask but I’d like some way to be able to screen for jealousy issues. I can at least understand jealousy issues of me with your man. It’s annoying but what is really baffling is that this has occurred with long time swingers. What I really don’t get are women who are jealousy of me being with my man. Seriously, wtf???

For the gentleman I want to know the same questions as above. I also have some additional questions that are specific to trying to avoid the crappy experiences in swinging and in my prior dating life:

1)     Rate your enjoyment of eating pussy? This may be a deal breaker if you don’t at least rate it as tolerable. If you say it’s gross or that you only go down on your own wife/girlfriend, then it is obvious that we are not compatible no matter how nice or hot you may be.

2)     Who gets to cum first?

3)     What is your refractory period? That is once you cum, how long before you are ready to go again.

4)     Please explain the location and size of the clitoris. The ideal is knowing that the clit is not just the glans and that it has a huge internal structure. But at a minimum they should know the general location of the outer clit.

5)     Please describe your oral sex technique. After discussion with Mr. Scarlet, I have learned that what I like and what other women like are not the same so the ideal answer is something along the lines of “Whatever you like.” Other acceptable answers are to describe something along the lines of what I like: Kiss all around the thighs and stomach, tease all around for a while, and then alternate between flicking and sucking on the glans while fingering the G-spot and applying rhythmic pressure to the public mons to stimulate the internal clitoris. Maybe that’s too clinical but you get the idea.

Although I think that these questions would prevent us a lot of grief up front, I’m not sure that people would actually be willing fill out a questionnaire if we are already talking in person say at a club or party. I’m going to have to slyly figure out how to get my answers during the conversation. But for those who contact us, especially if they just ask for pics, I am going to start sending out such a questionnaire. Hey, it’s better than my current technique of outright rejection. We will see how this goes.


Ms. Scarlet is a newbie non-monogamist. She lives in a really Red part of fly over country, hence the name Ms. Scarlet. She likes contact sports, massages, rum, fast cars, ice cream, and good oral sex - not necessarily in that order. You can find her discussing the latest sex news and other things on Twitter as @MsScarletBlogs


  1. Re: “4) Who is in charge of your swinging decisions? Acceptable answers include she is or both of us. If the dude is and the woman is just placating him, that is not cool to us.”

    Why is it cool for her to be in charge and not him?

  2. I love this! I wish more swinger/general dating sites had questions like this right up front to answer on each profile!
    And to the point brought up by Cooper, I totally get where you’re coming from, Mr. Scarlet. It seems like a red flag to me if the female of a hetro-couple is just doing what they’re told. For me personally, it screams that the male is a Dom (or at least domineering) and since that’s not what I’m looking for, it’s nice to know where they stand there.
    Whereas if both parties are in charge of decisions it seems like a more egalitarian relationship, which is pretty much the only kind I can get behind.
    If the female is in charge of more decisions it might be a bit of a fem-domme situation, maybe, but probably means that the male partner is just being respectful of her issues in the scene and going at her pace over his own, which is admirable. And it’s doubtful he’s just “going along with it,” more likely that he’s “going along with it under the parameters that makes her comfortable.” (I’m using a bunch of generalizations here, of course, assuming the male always wants more sex or is the first to suggest getting into the scene is silly, but for the sake of the post, let’s go by the most common occurrences.)
    I also tend to second-guess the woman’s bi-ness (and interests in general) if it’s her partner telling me she’s bi and not herself.
    Just my two cents ^_^

  3. I agree with Bettie’s summary in that it may be more accurate to say going at her pace rather than in charge. Really it should be a the slowest person’s pace which in our case actually would be Mr. Scarlet but that in most cases it seems it is the woman. Everyone should be consenting to the decsisions.

    I’m not into Dom/Submissive stuff but really what I am against is traditional patriarchal man in charge bs which is not consensual but the woman basically has to go along with whatever the man wants/serve him. I have only come across this a couple times in the lifestyle (much more prevalent in the vanilla world) but definitely not cool in my book.

    Also if you are talking online profiles then I think a lot of the “couples” are actually fake and just fishing for free porn.

  4. We’re really surprised nobody answered all your questions in the comment section. 🙂

    Love your comment about the online profiles. We’re on one of the big sites and so far gotten N O W H E R E.

    Thanks for writing!

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