Disappointment, Impermanence and the Morning Run

I love Halloween, I love the somewhat naughty other worldly feel the holiday gives us, the license to do or be things that we cannot do in our day to day vanilla lives. In that sense swingers get Halloween all though the year with theme events at the clubs, parties, etc. But swinging and Halloween promised to be a truly remarkable experience, one I didn't want to miss.

Halloween is by far the busiest and most interesting night at the club all year long. I have had this date marked off on the calendar since I started down this path almost 6 months ago. I wanted an Eyes Wide Shut costume in mind, simple black cape, Venetian mask, and nude underneath.

Even though I had this planned for a while, the cape I had lusted for on Amazon was rather expensive. There was always someplace else for the money to go and I still hadn't purchased it yet. In a near panic I asked my love if she could sew one for me (she has many skills) and she agreed, provided I stop at the fabric store and buy materials (with a little of her guidance I am a little lost at the fabric store). Yesterday after work, I was in the store, ready to call upon the associate to cut the cloth when I received a text from Ropes (my partner in clubbing). Due to a real life circumstances, she couldn't come with me to the club. I thanked her for the text and told her we could try again another time. At least I hadn't bought the materials yet.

I am afraid I sulked a little last night like Fonzie getting tonsillitis on Halloween. (I am certain there are younger people out there that don't get that reference… go Google it) I went to bed and completed the morning utilities at the farm (kids off to school, horse fed, wood stove still burning) and took off for my morning run.

There is a scene in Piers Anthony's Incarnation of Immortality where Clotho (the youngest aspect of Fate, she spins the threads of life) needs to gather material for making the threads. She walks this paved road toward Chaos where the pure material resides. As she walks the road the pavement gets rougher and rougher and finally breaks up into a dirt path. Similarly my running road starts as a paved road that also breaks up until I am running on a dirt road with no houses, no utility lines, no cars (most of the time) and it is just me and nature. An adolescent white tail deer jumped in front of me this morning and bounded down the road the same path I was on. We shared the road together for about 30 or 40 feet, then she veered off into the woods.

I remembered that I chose swinging because I wanted to change myself and learn new skills, and to meet people I wouldn't meet any other way. We too share the path for only a little while, then veer off and we may or may not meet up again. I also remembered that I am in this for the long game, that I am learning patience and it doesn't always have to be everything now and more of it.

I probably will not find another partner in time to attend the club for the Halloween night. That is ok. I may or may not attend as a single (It partially depends on whether or not I can even attend. Swinging as a single male has its challenges) If I do, that's great, if not, there is always next time. There are lots of other things (and perhaps even people) to do in the meanwhile.

Happy Halloween!