Daring To Change The Rules – Playing Separately


Daring To Change The Rules - Playing SeparatelyAfter writing about giving Mr. D. a hall pass in a previous blog, I got a question about why breaking our rules was more important than living within them. The question was so great that I felt it deserved its own blog post.

Mr. D and I had one big rule left in our lifestyle play—we play together. But after meeting the amazing local couple who had rules very different than ours, we struggled with this rule. The hot blonde played but her husband did not. We had hoped to play with this couple within our rules, but they weren’t ready to go there. So we let it go for a few weeks and wondered if maybe we wouldn’t play at all.

But we couldn’t really let it go. We kept talking about them to each other. Thinking about them. Fantasizing about them during sex. And especially because they live in our town and we would be seeing them again, we both felt like it was an unresolved issue. Something that wasn’t going to go away. We wanted to be with them more so than we wanted to follow our previous rules.

Playing alone is a particularly risky step to take in the lifestyle rules, because we can’t check in on the fly. I can’t see my partner’s reaction as it is happening; I can’t judge how I feel about it. He can’t see my reactions either. Playing alone requires a much larger dose of trust than our previous choices. Probably the biggest leap since we entered the lifestyle at all.

So, I looked for the way that I could make this situation work that would still allow me to feel comfortable and safe. I knew I did not want to be home doing the housewife thing while my husband was out fucking. By giving Mr. D a hall pass when I was traveling, I knew I would be preoccupied. It turns out the risk was worth it. It was an amazing experience for both of us. We still prefer to play together, but sometimes it doesn’t work out for all four to fit together as a unit. And when it does not, we are open to exploring whatever is the hottest option now.


Mrs. Doubleplay is 40-something mom living in the middle of America with kids, a career, and pretty house in the suburbs. She’s active in her local church, coaches the kids’ soccer games, and happens to have a secret life as a swinger. Married to her high school sweetheart, Mr. Doubleplay, the couple dipped their toes in the lifestyle for a couple of years but then dropped off the radar to have kids. They rejoined the lifestyle in 2005 and haven’t looked back. They have been soft swap from the start but are working their way toward greater forms of adventure as we meet hot couples on lifestyle vacations, swinger clubs, and online websites.

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