Being a Sexual Special Guest Star – Part 4: Threesomes

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Being a Sexual Special Guest Star – Part 4: ThreesomesThreesomes offer a unique, sexy opportunity. Hopefully you've read the other articles in this series (Being a Sexual Special Guest Star Part 1, Part 2, Part 3) and have found a couple who is a good match for you. This article will give you some serious, sexy and fun ideas to make things go smoothly when you hit the sheets.

Rules and Boundaries

Before the play starts it is very important that everyone understands each others boundaries and desires. Nothing does more to ruin a sexual moment than creating a situation that is uncomfortable for one or more of the parties involved. The best way to avoid these awkward moments is to be upfront and to communicate well with your playmates. Above all, don't be afraid to ask a question if you are not sure about the rules.

Don't be afraid to voice your concern if the play has crashed into one of your own rules or boundaries. It is much better to take a pause in the action for clarification than it is to ‘let something slide' and have it negatively affect the play or your friendship with the couple.

Relax and Have Fun

I started the article on a serious note, because the foundation of mutual respect is so important for a successful threesome, but the point is to have an amazingly fun, sexy time. Your attitude is key in having a good time. If you resolve to have fun and learn something new about yourself and your partners, you will! Focus on being in the moment and doing what feels good and what makes your partners feel good. Don't worry about your level of arousal or that you “should” be doing something like you've seen in porn. It is ok to talk, laugh or bonk heads.

Supplies

Having supplies on hand will make the encounter flow smoothly. Lay out safer sex supplies, lube and toys, so you're not fumbling through a bedside drawer in the heat of the moment. You will probably use multiple condoms during the evening. Remember not to use the same condom on two different people. Polyisoprene condoms are nice because you can take them off and they don't leave a bad taste, and they can be used by individuals who are latex-sensitive. Female condoms are a good solution if you don't want to keep switching condoms during a female male female threesome. Having a towel, washcloth and glasses of water nearby is a good idea, also.

If you like music during sex set up a play list or Pandora station ahead of time.

Take Your Fun Into Your Own Hands

This tip applies equally to everyone participating in a threesome. Each person needs to be comfortable expressing their needs and wants in the moment, or just doing what feels good. As a single your pleasure is just as important as the couple's pleasure. You are their special guest star! That means you are not there just to watch. Don't be shy about getting into the action.

It's also ok to not go all the way the first time you are sexual with a couple. If everyone is in agreement you can have a great time just rolling around naked and touching. You and the couple may be more comfortable building up to penetration or oral sex over a series of encounters.

Here are a few ideas (depending on the boundaries you've agreed to) that get everyone involved:

    • Three-way kissing
    • Have two partners undress the third
    • Four hand massage
    • Blindfold one person and then take turns touching and kissing
    • Kiss or play with breasts or nipples while the other person is going down on him/her
    • Hold their arms down or sit on their face while they are being penetrated, kiss the one penetrating at the same time
    • Rub you chest on them or scratch their back while they are having sex
    • Go down on her while she is being penetrated
    • Lick or fondle his balls while he's penetrating her
    • Touch yourself while at a good viewing angle while they are having sex
    • Try any combination you are comfortable with, experiment and have fun.

Remember, this is an amazing opportunity. Six hands, three mouths, and a combination of sexy parts you don't find together everyday! If there is something you want to try, you can always say, “I've always wanted to ______.” Most likely everyone will be enthused to make your fantasy a reality. If they are not up for that, you've lost nothing by asking. Group settings can be overstimulating to many people. This can make it difficult to stay aroused or finish. It is ok to use a toy, or masturbate if the episode is winding down and you haven't gotten off. If you are unsure if the couple you are with is ok with that, just ask them respectfully.

Body Fluid Etiquette

Most swingers we know use condoms for penetration, but not for oral sex. Whether you are a male or female ejaculator you should let your partners know before you come in their mouth or on their body. Simply say, “I'm going to come,” or “Where do you want me to come?”and they can choose to move their mouth out of the way or not.

If you know you are having your period you should inform your partners ahead of time and decide together what you'd like to do. The Instead brand menstrual cups work great to contain fluids and can be used during sex. If your period starts during the encounter, stop right away and let the other partners know. Everyone understands it's a fact of life. There are many fun things you can do, but trying to pretend you are not bleeding during sex, will not work. It is not fair to expose your partners to blood without their ok.

After the Big O

Hopefully, everyone is satisfied and exhausted at the end of your encounter. Our preference is to spend some time relaxing naked or clothed with our new partner before heading home. If you are hosting it's a nice gesture to offer warm wash-cloths, showers or wipes to clean up, and a cold drink. We usually spend a few minutes chatting and laughing and then say our thanks and good-byes.

It's always appropriate to thank the couple for a great time by text or email the next day. After that it's best to follow their lead on further contact.

It is my hope that this series of articles has helped you to expand your sexuality, learn about yourself and have terrific threesomes! I'd love to hear about your experiences in the comments section.

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Lisa and her husband have been married for 16 years and non-monogamous for 4. They live in a swing state and are active in their local community organizing events. Lisa's passions include reading, writing, crochet, aquariums and building an amazing local and online swing community.

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