Review: Hannah Harper’s Titty Fuck-Her from Pipedreams

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I gotta say it was simple rampant curiosity that got me to request it.

I mean, look at it up there…Hannah Harper's Titty Fuck-Her from Pipedreams is tits with a pussy in the middle!  How unique and odd a product could there be?  (Though, when you really think about it…the pocket pussy is a very disturbing looking product)  So when the request went out of who wants to review this unique item, I held my hand high and was thankful for the occasional product that didn't involve anal stimulation.

Despite my enthusiasm, I staved off the desire to open it until I could go to Sasha's house, as the moment she heard what I was getting, she wanted to do an “unboxing” video (which you can find below) and even said she'd buy a special realistic dong to demonstrate.  I suggested she was going to have entirely too much fun unboxing this one.

Once the box was opened, there they were, Hannah Harper's tits staring us in the face.  Made out of proprietary Fanta Flesh, they were soft and surprisingly firm, the same feel as the Fleshlight.  When you shook them, they bounced, when you squeezed them, well, they felt close to real.  Sasha immediately held them up over her own breasts and bounced a bit, giggling at her very own Baywatch moment.

She handed them to me and we both observed the pussy.  As she learned in the unboxing video, this was one tight pussy, that could barely allow for two fingers inside.  I shrugged and said I'd figure it out, and Sasha expressed her disappointment that the fun new tits were coming home with me.

While my experience with masturbation enhancers is admittedly limited.  MOST of the focus in the industry for men is on sleeves, often called pocket pussies, made of jelly or “cyber-skin.”  I don't know what the experience of my brethren is, but for me, they've always been too short and too tight.  And I may be very happy with my size, but I don't claim to be longer or girthier than…well…most.

The first difficulty I encountered with the Titty Fuck-Her was…well…HOW to fuck it.  It's heavy, first of all, so it's not something I can move up and down by hand easily which throws off the way I use the Fleshlight.  Its sort of unruly as well, being that it's all of this skin feel material.  After a few different locations, I settled on the ottoman for my Swingset Labs chair.  Kneeling beside it, I lubed it up, impressed by how extra realistic it felt when wet, the Fanta Flesh is a winner.  Despite seeming incredibly tight to my (admittedly unlubed fingers), the Titty Fuck-Heris impressively yielding, and once inside I was quite impressed by the realistic feel.

The vibration of the included large bullet vibe proved to be annoying and took me out of the moment.  (As much in the moment as I could be when I kept realizing I was fucking a pair of tits with a pussy in the middle…)

Assuming that the tits are there to be fucked, I tried every which way before deciding it's simply not in the cards.

So, verdict here?  Well, once you get to the fucking, it's VERY realistic feeling, not too short and stays put.  But the rub, of course, is that this thing is heavy and cumbersome.  Sasha's suggestion of placing it on the bathroom counter and standing in front of it yielded mildly better results than my kneeling in front of the ottoman, but still, it's difficult to find a spot.  To those guys who hump pillows (you know who you are) this might be a perfect upgrade, as lying on top of it creates some interesting feelings.

My other concern is where to keep this sort of thing.  A single guy whose family doesn't visit often could have it on his dresser, but a married guy with local family and friends?  (Even one whose wife is as open minded and free with her toys as Marilyn)  Well, lets say one needs a shelf in his closet for Hannah to hang out.

My curiosity was sated, my skepticism brushed aside, this is a pretty nice product.

Sasha & my unboxing video:

Full Disclosure: We did not purchase this product, it was sent to us specifically for review. Our policy is to, regardless of how we acquired a product, review it fairly and openly. No writer for Life On The Swingset will ever deliberately mislead our readers into believing that a product is good because of anything we received from the company. We are open and honest, and cannot be bought or bribed. If we love a product, we'll tell you, if we don't, BELIEVE us, we'll tell you that too. End disclaimer.

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About Author

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About Cooper Cooper S. Beckett is the co-founder and host of Life on the Swingset: The Podcast since 2010, author of swinging & polyamory novels A Life Less Monogamous and Approaching The Swingularity, and memoir My Life on the Swingset: Adventures in Swinging & Polyamory. He teaches and speaks on swinging, polyamory, pegging, play parties, and coloring outside the boundaries of your sexuality. He is a graphic & web designer, photographer, and voice over artist, has been a guest expert on Dan Savage’s Savage Lovecast, & is the announcer of Tristan Taormino’s radio show Sex Out Loud. He is currently working on two instructional non-fiction books, one about beginning non-monogamy, and another about pegging.

3 Comments

  1. Avatar

    Just found this website and I'm enjoying it immensely.

    I've got a Pussy & Anus toy and it's very similar: it's a heavy slab with an entry (actually two); it's made for hands free use, since it's really too heavy to hold in your hands like a Fleshlight. I like it, but as you noted, it's very difficult fo find a place to put it that's at a comfortable height or angle, so it doesn't get used very much.

    I had it for a short time when I was still having hot chats on the internet, it and was pretty good for that: the computer desk I used had an adjustable height, so I could put it there and I had both hands free and clean to type. No more gooey keys or mouse. 🙂

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