Read Part 1 here.
Our first two times together were very good. Besides being a great kisser, he was quite skilled with oral as well. A little rough when I reciprocated (SO.MUCH.GAGGING. uh…I would like to be able to talk tomorrow without a sore throat, sir!), but it was very hot. And I’m an overachiever, so if I start a job, I’m going to finish it! However, as to be expected, there was a bit of lingering awkwardness that sometimes comes from getting to know someone for the first time and their likes and dislikes. I tend to orgasm a lot, I’m not a “one and done,” kind of girl, but I’m rather quiet, so he was having a hard time determining when it was happening for me. (That was actually ok with me, because it meant that he kept going, which equaled more orgasms- WINNING!). By our third time together, our awkwardness had pretty much dissipated, and I was feeling MUCH more comfortable, and little by little my guard continued to drop. Each time we met, it was something new and different (hello, bondage!), and I let him learn more about my quirks, what I’ve done, what I fantasize about, what I’m open to, so much so, that he commented that dealing with me is like a grab bag of surprises- he never knows what will come out. He enjoys my nerdiness, and entertains my long winded text messages and emails as well, so that’s a plus.
And so much for keeping the LS under wraps. One night, we were at a bar and ran into a LS couple I knew. I’d never been with them, but have always flirted with the woman. They were completely wasted, and just assumed my new friend was in the LS too- and completely outed me! First they started talking about the parties, then telling off color jokes, then going into far more detail than they needed to. I was MORTIFIED! I kept trying to hint that they needed to zip it- “hey guys, this could be my friend from church!” but the alcohol had loosened their tongues. By the time they went back to their seats, he turned to me and said, “So…I’ve got a few questions.” Nothing left to do but fess up. At least it led to some extremely hot sex when we got back to my house!
From that point, we have been discussing some LS play situations. It turns out he’s had a good number of experiences, just not in the context of a LS type setting or community. He and I have had one experience so far (no swapping, he watched me with a girlfriend, then she watched us), and that went just fine. He even briefly came to a LS pool party with me, and that went well. This was the first time I had a date at a LS event (besides my ex-husband), so there was lots of talk about the handsome guy Devin invited, and he was pleased to hear that he had a few admirers.
However, knowing that I’m not the only woman with whom he deals/dates/sleeps with and facing that has given me a few uncomfortable twinges of jealousy. I’ve largely been able to deal with those feelings by recognizing what is concerning, why, and processing it, but those feelings worry me a bit, especially as I continue to become attached, against my better judgment.
Unfortunately, he remains an envelope pusher- he is so eager to have these new experiences NOW, that he had brought things to the table that are past my comfort level or interest-despite my constant reminders that I need to set the pace and feel comfortable with whoever we bring into an escapade (read: let ME pick the girls/couples, buddy!). He keeps missing the cardinal rule of the lifestyle- the woman has to be in control for things to work well. But how could I expect him to know that? I have to decide what (if anything) all of this means, and how that will affect our partnership moving forward, as well as our Lifestyle experiences. It also makes me question his interest- is he actually interested in me, or am I just a means to an end, the hot bi girl who can get him in the door and facilitate these new and exciting experiences for him? I wonder sometimes if I am being used, which is not the best feeling.
Additionally, I’ve now found myself on the opposite side of the fence- as the unicorn hunter rather than the unicorn. It is a lot harder than I realized, and now I know why unicorns are in such high demand. It is interesting seeing both sides of the coin, and knowing how I felt about being “hunted,” I don’t ever want to be pushy. However, I don’t know if we are ready to swap, and that is surprisingly, is due to more hesitance on my part than on his. I think it is largely because of the uncertainty I feel about our situation more than anything- if we were a couple, that would be one thing, but we aren’t, and his eagerness to swap leaves me feeling a bit like a sacrificial lamb, like a pawn so he can have his “experiences.” But it could be fun if I could get out of my head. So, I’m torn.
All this being said, we have had a blast so far, and the best part of our partnership (besides the great sex), is that our communication has been really open and honest, even when discussing uncomfortable topics. We really have made a good team. He’s been surprisingly receptive to any and all feedback I’ve offered. It has been really refreshing; it is nice not having to be afraid to speak my mind. On top of that, he really does want to explore my fantasies, and I don’t feel like he’ll judge me for them, even if he keeps pushing the envelope. So maybe, this is the right stallion to facilitate my return. Or maybe not. Stay tuned.