JV Altharas and Shara from Ending The Sexual Dark Age join us to discuss the dichotomy of being friends with your swinging playmates, and how we feel that enhances the value of the sex, but also how that can drift into other ares. We get sidetracked by the idea of writing directions on thighs, Cooper updates his Poly experiment, Dylan rants about politics.
Browsing: polyamory
Complicated: past participle, past tense of com·pli·cate (Verb) 1. Make (something) more difficult or confusing by…
Is polyamory like sexual orientation, a deep trait felt to be at the core of one’s being? Would a polyamorous person feel as incomplete without multiple partners as a lesbian or gay person might feel without one?
Every act of creation is first an act of destruction. – Pablo Picasso I love…
I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about why couples are so appealing to me. The first thing I need to put out there is that it’s not the sex. Threesomes are lovely, don’t get me wrong. But I don’t have a particular yearning for a threesome over one-on-one sex, and historically I have not found them more satisfying. So that comment is out of the way.
When introducing a new romantic interest to our friends and loved ones, we all want this person to be well received and well liked. We want our family and friends to find them attractive, interesting, funny, and basically dig them like we do. We polyamorists are much the same, but we have a much more critical judge – our primary partner.
There have been a couple of people recently who have said the phrase, “I don’t want to be second”. One was to me and one was to my partner. This state of mind always disturbs me because my partner and I don’t see relationships structured that way in this lifestyle. We don’t believe in or like the labels “Primary” or “Secondary” partners. There are always priorities and responsibilities to each relationship, but if a relationship goes down such a path, my love for my partners can and will be equal. To us it’s only fair to each other and to the people involved.
I am fascinated by stories about polygamy, both fiction and non-fiction. I’ve watched every episode of the HBO television series “Big Love.” I’ve read the Brady Udall novel “The Lonely Polygamist.” I’ve read Irene Spencer’s harrowing account of her life as a polygamist’s wife in the 50’s, 60’s, and 70’s, “Shattered Dreams: My Life as a Polygamist’s Wife.” I have several other fiction and non-fiction pieces to read or watch in my queue that I haven’t gotten to yet.
One of the most common questions that gets thrown out into the ether by people entering the world of non-monogamy, is “How do you deal with jealousy?” This is a totally valid and important question, but it’s also important to remember that jealousy is a different animal in a polyamorous relationship than in a monogamous one.
Our boyfriend and girlfriend Julian and Hanne are going through a bit of a relationship crisis this evening. They may make a major change in their relationship to add some space between them to allow healing to happen. The intent is not for them to break up, but any major change can be like a seismic shift in the foundation of a relationship and the outcome is unpredictable. It’s a strange to be in a place where I’m worrying about my boyfriend’s reaction to making pivotal and significant changes to his relationship with his other girlfriend. We just don’t have cultural scripts for how to deal with that. What do you do with the compassion you feel for your husband’s girlfriend as she deals with personal issues and momentous changes in her relationship with her other boyfriend, who also happens to be your boyfriend? We get to make it up as we go along.