Browsing: love

As we dive deeper into the world of polyamory, I find myself making clear distinctions…

Today I was having a conversation with Holly about what people expect to get out of the lifestyle, and how different those expectations can often be. We came to the conclusion that the expectations people have are just as varied as their reasons for getting into the lifestyle in the first place. But one of the most varied expectations I’ve seen is the variety of interpretations of those looking for “friends first” in the lifestyle. (As opposed to the NSA [No Strings Attached] folk.) Marilyn and I fall into the so called friends first category, as do most of the lifestyle people we associate with. Though lately I’ve been thinking that this idea of friends first is really a misnomer. We’ve gotten to know people a bit, either by going on a date with them, talking to them online, or meeting them through one of our other friends. But have we really become FRIENDS at that point, before we hop into bed?

Is polyamory like sexual orientation, a deep trait felt to be at the core of one’s being? Would a polyamorous person feel as incomplete without multiple partners as a lesbian or gay person might feel without one?

I tend to fall in love fast. Not necessarily hard, but definitely fast. I knew this about myself, but had honestly forgotten until Anne and I got into the lifestyle. After all, we had been happily dating/married for nine or so years before getting into the lifestyle, I was not actively seeking another life partner. I still wouldn’t say I am. Anne initially said she was interested in exploring polyamory if she found someone she had feelings for. I have stated before that polyamory freaks me out and, honestly, it still does.

The question is: Do I sit her down and have a little chat about the situation? Something like, “You know that Julian is my boyfriend and Hanne is daddy’s girlfriend. I want to tell you that this is unusual – most people who are married don’t also have a boyfriend or girlfriend. They only have their husband or wife. Most of your friends and their families would think it was strange. You might want to be cautious when mentioning it to them.”