Browsing: compersion

Some readers may wonder: Why polyamory? Well, for us, this came from the understanding that we do not control the other person’s sexuality. We are very sexual creatures and we are attracted to whomever we happen to be attracted to. We were comfortable in our sexuality and our relationship, and through much discussion we came to an understanding that physical intimacy does not constitute infidelity. Deception is infidelity, but what Ally and I do is right out in front of each other. Full disclosure.

Relationships can have many levels of closeness and intertwinedness — from casual fuckbuddies to regular, serious girlfriend or boyfriend to long-term live-in life-long committed partners. The category that we think our relationship falls into affects the way we interact with that partner today and the vision we have for the future of that relationship. In the monogamous world, we talk about dating someone casually or say that someone is marriage material. In the poly world, people talk about primary and secondary relationships.

Emma, why are you writing porn?” It whispers paternally. “You should be publishing erudite reflections on philosophy or culture.” Maybe I ought to be pouring my energy into more laudable writing projects. Then again, maybe not. The truth is that I can’t help myself from keeping this online journal, my attempt at critical-reflective, sex journalism.

On that first show I believe we hit you with a new term, “compersion”. We didn’t hit on it too much, though we’ll discuss it in future shows, but I think it deserves a short explanation. Cooper described it as “… the opposite of jealousy” in one of his podcast reviews and in the podcast. I understand it as the enjoyment of watching someone you love experience pleasure with someone else.

In Episode 4, we discuss compersion, the term that finds you experiencing pleasure because your partner is experiencing pleasure, versus jealousy, a term we all know. The Swingset gang discusses how to overcome jealousy in many situations, all striving for that nirvana called compersion.