Author: Violet the Unicorn

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Violet is the nom de plume of a suburban professional mother of two living in the outskirts of an historic east coast metropolis north of the Mason Dixon line. She has only fairly recently given herself permission to jump (not fall, mind you) down the rabbit hole that is polyamory and decided to document the experience. It gets curiouser and curiouser.

Wikipedia defines compersion as: an empathetic state of happiness and joy experienced when another individual experiences happiness and joy. It is sometimes identified with parents’ pride in their children’s accomplishments or one’s own excitement for friends’ and others’ successes. It is commonly used (in the polyamorous community) to describe when a person experiences positive feelings when a lover is enjoying another relationship. I have experienced this emotion. It is powerful. I was on the way to a swing club (Internet café by day; swing club by night!) with my lover early on in my poly life. He was married and…

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So here is my question of the day/week/month –  Tell me how seemingly once great relationships break up? I think that every relationship that ends up falling apart started out with at least some positive qualities. I mean otherwise, it wouldn’t have continued, right? So when I talk to people about their previous relationships, I often ask about what it was like in the beginning?  What initially brought them together?  And then, what happened, how did it start to wobble? I want to learn as much as I can – trying to minimize the possibility of making the same error.…

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I’m in love. Again. With someone new. It is not going according to plan. To be fair, I really didn’t have a “plan,” this is all pretty new to me – the amour part of poly. I fell in love pretty quickly with Mr. A – it was really intense, emotional and I fell hard and fast. Maybe it was the depth of the connection, maybe it was that I saw him a few times a week over the summer, maybe it was that I hadn’t felt this good about myself as an attractive, sexual woman in years, but it…

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So what happens next?  I am asking myself that question more and more frequently these days. In a typical monogamous relationship, there is a pretty well-established sequence of how things progress. You meet, you see each other a number of times. Unless you belong to a fundamentalist religious sect there is usually sex involved. You probably meet some of each other’s friends. If there are children from previous relationships involved, you may meet them and they may meet each other. At some point, if you haven’t already been monogamous, you decide to become “exclusive.”  Maybe you are in love with…

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“And you women were doing what!?” That was the question my friend asked me. With major incredulousness. And that incredulity was communicated via text message. So even though I didn’t hear it in his voice, I knew he was asking in a WTF kind of voice. To get to the answer and to understand the context, we need to step back a moment. So step into the Way Back Machine with me, will you? Thanks. Not going far back, maybe a couple weeks. One of my male lovers is bisexual. That in and of itself is a broad and provocative…

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I joined a local poly/swing group and have recently attended a number of events they have sponsored. Fellatio 301 – Advanced Techniques This class was taught/facilitated by a local sexologist/sex positive educator. It was held in the home of one of the members. I had a little trouble finding her house and was about 15 minutes late. Which meant that I walked into a room of 11 other women (plus the instructor) who all knew each other. I bet the majority of them had known each other in the Biblical sense – or at least they knew the husband of…

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I am not sure if kids still play this game – it very well may have been obliterated along with Chinese jump rope and other games deemed not fit in our new world of political correctness and avoidance of anything resembling bullying. For those of you who don’t know, it is a game usually with three players. Two of them are playing catch with a ball or something, and the third unfortunate soul occupies the space between the two playing catch, trying to grab the item being tossed overhead. Even though I was usually tall enough to grab the ball…

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