Author: The Doctor

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The Doctor is not actually a doctor (though he has a 'juris doctor', does that count?) He and his Sexy Thing (another Doctor Who reference...) live in our Nation's Capital and have been together for almost 5 years (non-monogamous for about 2). You can see their 2014 Desire tweets and other sexy thoughts on Twitter @DrandSexyThing.

There are two kinds of threesomes, and don’t you dare get them confused. There’s “the good kind”, an FMF threesome and there’s a “Devil’s Threesome” AKA an MFM threesome*. MFM is the one guys are worried their girl really means when she says “sure, I’d be up for a threesome sometime.” It is the embodiment of so many double-standards in modern American sexual dynamics: two women kissing/touching is hot, guys even looking at each other during a sex act is gross; it’s not cheating or threatening if it’s a girl with a girl, but it’s both if it’s a guy…

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For a lot of people, nonmonogamy is part of who they are. They might have tried to be monogamous in the past and resorted to cheating and/or been deeply unhappy such that they wouldn’t go back. I’m not one of those people. My romantic life prior to my wife (the SexyThing to my Doctor) was a series of monogamous romantic relationships that lasted a few months to two years with relatively little time in-between. I have never cheated on a significant other and never even really wanted to; I was happy with the monogamous life and would go back any…

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There are at least a half dozen posts that I’ve promised to write in my previous posts, but I find myself constantly finding something more immediately interesting to talk about. So I’ll put off those for another time and today write about a particular interest of mine and why it makes my nonmonogamy adventure with SexyThing so much fun. Everyone who’s spent time in the waters of over-intellectualized non-monogamy, this podcast/blog, Opening Up, The Ethical Slut, etc., knows the word ‘compersion’. But just in case, simply put, compersion is the opposite of jealousy: it is the phenomenon of experiencing pleasure…

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One of the best things about our trip to Desire with the Swingset was getting to know the other people on the trip, and one of the couples who quickly became a favorite was JV and Shara. JV and Shara do not look like the perfect match they clearly are; she looks like someone you’d meet at the neighborhood Whole Foods, sweet, friendly, and soft-spoken. He looks and sounds like a biker dude; a tall, muscular guy with a ponytail and chest tattoo, the whole deal. But they are awesome together and they were awesome to us. A real treat…

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Before I met my wife, I didn’t think I was a jealous person. I was never the type to have a problem with close male friends, or time spent with others, or friendships with exes. I always thought I was very secure and confident in what I had to offer and in the fact that she chose me, and if she later chose otherwise, that was her loss. But when my wife and I started dating, that proved not to be true: she had one close male friend who I very much disliked, and whose friendship with her put me…

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Humans (and not just humans) care a lot about equality and fairness. And for good reason: when not everyone is satisfied, and some get more at the expense of others, it can lead to discontent and “drama” that ruin things for everyone. When I was a kid, my mom used to try and keep the number of presents we each had under the tree roughly equal. Sometimes that led to absurd results: one person getting one book or DVD as “one” present while another got a half dozen in a box as “one” present. It was all in an effort…

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